There was an amazing football player at my college known only as ‘T’. I was playing on the same team as him once, and he took the ball around literally the whole of the other team. Then, he squared the ball to me, and with an open goal in front of me, I kicked it not only over the bar but over the fence of the field we were playing in. I still think about it on a weekly basis and it was almost 20 years ago.
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Used to play Sunday League and one game I misjudged the weather, had a shirt underneath my strip but it was boiling. Ball went out of play, took the shirts off in the intention of getting rid of the undershirt but instead of getting the ball that had beenkicked out, they found another one and restarted quickly. Had to run around for a couple of minutes shirtless whilst holding my kit in my hands
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Air-kicked an open goal at the back post in year 5 which would have given my school their first win in my entire time there. Genuinely think my life would have taken a very different path had I just tucked it home.
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It must have looked like you were extragavantly celebrating a throw in. (Yellow card).
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Scored two own goals in a primary school match, burst into tears after the second and left the pitch, game momentarily paused while the teacher and my Mum had to convince me to come back on. Eventually did return to the pitch and scored a third own goal with my next touch.
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Playing 5 a side with my brother and a load of his pals in London fields, we were 10-all so went to next goal wins, I was in net for our team and we won a corner. I trotted up to about halfway, made eye contact with my brother who picked me out for a Beckham - Scholes volley, managed to slice it so badly off my shin it bounced behind me and kicked on towards our goal, sprinted back to put a full length dive in as it rolled over the line just out of reach
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football tournament in primary school against our arch rivals. we didn’t have enough proper players so had to field my mate who couldn’t play to save his life. the other team took a shot, he bent over to try and get out of the way of it and it ricocheted perfectly off his arse into the top corner. it was the winning goal
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Got subbed playing for school so a shit lad could have a run out, he conceeded 3 in 5 minutes and we lost 3-2. Called the teacher an idiot and retired from school football aged 15 because it wasn’t being taken seriously.
Didn’t realise how awful it must have been for the lad who came on until years later. Cringe when I think about it now.
I played for the school football team just at the point when my eyesight was getting so bad that I couldn’t really do without my glasses. I did score a goal (amazingly) but the lowlight was definitely picking the ball up and trying to take a throw-in when it had actually just crossed the line at the edge of the penalty area.
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Made my debut for Stevenage 6ths cricket team despite being up all night partying and still being heavily intoxicated as I was thrown the ball to have a bowl. 4 wides, hastily hooked, slept on the outfield during lunch and then had my stumps cleaned up first ball.
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I have played 11v11 Sunday league as a goalkeeper both in the UK and in Sweden so I embarrassed myself on a near-weekly basis.
Shanked a drive in golf and smashed a garage door window. Their fault for living on a golf course I thought.
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Also, tried to impress a girl in high school by telling her I could dunk a basketball, without having ever dunked one before. Hit the front of the rim fell back and broke my ankle. Still friends now and talk about it often.
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I am the most risk averse footballer ever so I don’t have too many moments that spring to mind, but I did do the classic pass back to the keeper without looking while sweeping up a long ball over the top and he had come out to claim it and ran past the ball for an easy tap in for their striker.
I’m still adamant that he shouted my name for the pass so I wasn’t at fault.
Back when I worked in General Practice, a nurse mate invited me to play in his weekly game with some old colleagues. He assured me that “they’re all old GPs, you’ll run rings around them”.
What I turned up to find was that they were actually all twenty something physios and personal trainers built like brick shithouses. On my first time playing, one of the PTs was training the new Oxo family dad who apparently wanted to get into shape before filming the new advert, and he’d brought him along.
Turned out the guy was a complete gobshite who on the rare occasion he wasn’t shouting for the ball was shouting what you should do with it if you had it, or giving you feedback about what you should have just done with it. I was nervous given it was my first game, adjusting to the shock it being more competitive than I’d imagined and I’m quite shy anyway, and so I attracted a lot of his attention. So, yeah an hour getting strips torn off me by the fucking Oxo dad.
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Mixed hockey. Went in for a 50-50 challenge. Ball shot straight upwards and hit me right between the eyes. Mild concussion and had to go to the hospital.
Not playing but watching. I was in the crowd at a Leicestershire versus the Australians match in the 1980s. One of the Leicester bowlers took a hat trick. On the hat trick ball I was tying my shoelaces for some reason.
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In over my head in a cricket match. Bowled badly, came in at 11 after a poor team batting performance. They decided that their shittest player ought to have a bowl because it’s not even a contest and it’ll be funny, generally greeted with laughter and incredulity. He bowls a rank half tracker, I swipe at it and nick it behind first ball. I trudge off while he’s mobbed as though he’s just Shane Warned Mike Gatting.
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My dad was playing a charity golf tournament where he ended up playing with snooker’s Steve Davis. I don’t know why but my dad must have said his son was a big fan. So my phone rings, it’s my dad’s number.
“Hello, it’s Steve Davis here.”
“…hi?”
“Y’know, Steve Davis? I’m playing golf with your dad”
“…ok”
“Steve Davis, the snooker player? Your dad says your a big fan of mine?”
“Ooooh! Steve Davis! Yeah… love your work” had to unconvincing bluff fandom to him and have a very uncomfortable talk which he very quickly got bored of
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