Essence of your home

Congratulations! You’ve just been given exhibition space at the Tate.

The requirements are that you recreate your home in as few items as possible.

Really distill down the vibe/smell/look into one masterpiece display, you do need to watch the item count but they’re really expecting more than a messy Emin bed.

A soundtrack to the display is allowed, as are smells.

Talk me through your immersive experience.


cat hair on fucking everything


This is a featureless white “room”, there is nothing to put cat hair on unless you bring the things yourself.

Is your final piece just cat hair on the floor of the white room?

Cat hair covering the following:

  • houseplants that need watering
  • cardboard box on the floor
  • well chewed catnip sausage
  • loads of aux cables, most don’t work
  • bits of paper with half-completed to do lists

Smells like toast


Having visited your house, and as the only judge, I’d like to suggest you include some hint of your spectacular fireplace.

  • Clothes pile on the floor (number of items TBD)
  • 2+ guitars laying around at improbable angles
  • Said guitar cables winding around everything, plugged into nothing
  • Lots of dust
  • Stack of books
  • Stack of unopened letters

Stale smell, but not actively unpleasant or bad. Soundtrack of any of 1-10 albums released within the last two weeks and/or Charli XCX at maximum volume


A cut out of an exterior wall - claddingless, insulationless, interior side painted white but covered in mould.

The immersive experience is wiping the mould down and sighing. The whole thing is soundtracked by recordings of resident meetings complaining about the situation and the housing association apologising and promising to do better.


ah yeah that’s a good shout, one of the tiles that’s falling off and this little chicken that we found in the garden?


Thank you. I can’t guarantee all dust particles will be returned to you.

  • Some kind of meat cooking smell
  • Loads and loads of YA books (not mine)
  • Medical Detectives/Forensic Files playing on a TV screen
  • Boxes of free beer lying around in random places
  • Cat tree/bed

Very nice work. I’m feeling part of your life.

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Eight bags of Huel, some guitars and a curry aroma.


Niiiiìce :heart_eyes:

Thank you very much. I was considering including the scaffolding on the exterior side and the immersive experience being “standing around doing nothing on the scaffolding” and then taking a turn to do the mould wiping and sighing. I felt this might be too far outside the remit of the brief though.


I’m definitely getting funky vibes with all this beer. Might I suggest your wife’s poetry book balanced on one of those boxes?

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Save that one for the Turner Prize

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Good point, that ought to be in there, plus the new one (coming soon!)

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Yes, I’m into this, the curry is a nice touch

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Pan of rice in water sat on the stove, which is turned off, just soaking ready for tonight’s tea.

Incense burning

Chairs are there, but you you can’t sit on them, they’ve got big piles of washing I’ve not been arsed to take upstairs yet just sat there.

Cardboard with all cat claw scratches lying on the floor

Unwritten by Natasha Beddingfield playing on repeat

At any point you may trip over a cat whomst has silently appeared in front of your feet


It’s difficult. It would need to include the 90s kitchen we haven’t done anything about in almost six years, because we need to do something about the massive crack over the back door (Is it subsidence, or is it just the shifting of a 150 year old house? Who knows?). It’ll need some moth eaten carpet (again, not going to be replaced until we’ve had the building work done). Lots of records, and children’s toys, and a thin layer of cat hair covering everything