I have, many a time. In fact I’m lucky enough that I’ve only had to go to the hospital for silly reasons.
My most embarrassing silly moment was during my cousin’s birthday meal about five years ago. We were at a lovely restaurant, I’d had a kangaroo burger, a few mins later I went to the toilets because I was in the worst pain of my life. Doubled over in there, tears streaming down my face, genuinely unsure what to do with myself. Went back to the table eventually, but couldn’t even sit still cause I was in such pain. Luckily our friend Toni was next to me and whispered in my ear asking if I was alright and I was like “no Tone, I’m really not, would you mind giving me a lift home please?” and cause she’s a gem she was like “absolutely not, grab your bag and coat and I’ll take you now.”
We get to her car and I just burst into tears so pathetically and start sobbing about how it might be my appendix, and I’ve never felt anything like it, and I’m scared. She does a U turn and takes me to a&e and we’re there for hours but eventually get seen and I’m explaining to the nice nurse how this is it, I’m definitely dying, can they at least make me comfortable please. The nurse thinks it’s gall stones, and asks me to stay overnight so they can do a scan in the morning. I then have to be like “oh no, either I keel over now or you give me some decent painkillers and then I hop off on my Merry way cause I’ve got a shift starting at 8:30am tomorrow and they will not take kindly to me not showing up.” We have a bit of back and forth where I’m basically saying yes I appreciate that you’re the medical professional but I owe two months rent so I kinda can’t afford to get sacked actually.
THEN. My very pissed cousin turns up and comes running over to the bed I’m in shouting “my Kermit! My beautiful kermit! My darling angel are you okay?!” and I’m like hang on why are you being so nice to me she gets to me, hugs me as if she never will again and whispers in my ear “there’s some fit doctors aren’t there? I’ve got a bottle of wine in my bag if you want a swig babe.”
And then. I get examined again. I’m being prodded in the stomach. The farts start leak out. Very slowly at first but then they just keep coming. And miraculously I start to feel a lot better. I apologise profusely to the beautiful man who was examining me and quickly blurt out that I will be discharging myself cause I’ve got places to be, and he asks me to promise I’ll go back after my shift cause they will need to scan me as it could be quite serious. With an expression of pure steel I’m like “yeah of course I will, thank you so much for your time.”
Toni drops me back at my flat and I did such massive blow offs that I swear I heard the walls of my 70s build shake. Made it to work the next day and never followed it up because it was simply very bad trapped wind from the kangaroo.
Never went back, up until I snorted some dodgy stuff a few years later and thought I had meningitis cause I came up in a full body rash.
Anyway. Your turn!