Extraordinary Achievements of Your Youth

I once went on the Mexican hat* at Butlins in Ayr 16 times in a row. Just got off it and rejoined the queue each time. Some might have called it a lonely child experiencing some kind of crisis, I call it an Extraordinary Achievement.

*one of these:

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Did a poo that wouldnt flush after 2 days.

My parents had gone away and I was living on a diet mostly consisting of pork pies and sausage rolls.

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Won a quiz on a ferry two nights ago, beating 21 other entrants

(I subscribe to the under 30 definition of youth)

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I was, and some say still am, incredibly cute

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Halted a church service by projectile vomiting all over the three rows in front of me

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Pulled a breezeblock off my brother’s leg in a hulk like emotional surge of strength

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Post / username

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When it turned 00:00:01 on 01/01/00, I kicked a football so I was probably the first person to kick a football this millennium

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Well…

You know what fair enough.

Led me onto a glittering career (2 goals in 5 years playing Sunday league)

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I used to build spaceships out of Lego and then tell my Mum how many jets were on each one to showcase their impressive potential speeds, I once made one that had a “jet triple booster” though so not only did it have like 12 jets already, the triple booster meant that those 12 jets were operating at a capacity equivalent to 36 jets. THIRTY SIX!

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Guessed how many Subbuteo balls were in a large jar* to win a big Subbuteo kit, complete with stands and everything

*with a bit of help from mum

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Won a signed Southampton FC pennant in year 10 by winning a bowling competition
Won a load of meat in a bowling for a pig competition
5th place in the Devon Schools’ U15 triple jump.

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this feels like a very Ant thread, which is the highest compliment possible

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placed joint first in an Official PlayStation Magazine Spryo competition. Top 5 got a remote control helicopter, but for some reason they printed the top 6 names. Guess who was down in print as the highest placed loser …

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Won a trophy for getting the highest score in a Sonic the Hedgehog tournament in the local computer club.

27 years old I etc

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Nobel peace prize.

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Learned to read between the ages of 2 and 3. Also got almost 100% in a shakespeare exam in year 12 without reading the play or watching the kenneth branagh film, was quite proud of that at the time (and then was humbled in year 13 when i actually had to work hard)

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Beat a difficult Pokémon Red gym boss in the playground after many other kids has been trying for an hour. Got a lot of kudos for that.

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Won a book token for drawing a very nice Easter bonnet and got my picture in the newspaper.

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