Farting

No-one in this part of the office today. I’m letting audible ones out.

It feels

so naughty

@Epimer

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Still not reached the Farting Stage with the new(ish) gf.

It’s quite hellish at times

My phone autocorrects “fart” to “Gary” and I have a colleague of that name who irritates the piss out of me and this amuses me.

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My gf had to take an early work call from home this morning, so I told her that I was going to sneak up on her and fart audibly so that everyone on the phone would think it was her.

I kept sidling up to her and straining so she’d have to dive for the mute button. Made myself a bit late for work with this but I feel it was worth it.

Frankly, she’s lucky to have me.

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I’ve never reached that stage in a relationship

  • We communicate by farts alone
  • Fart in front of all of my significant others from the first date, in fact it was my first “word” to her
  • Don’t fart at first, but eventually reach a point where I do
  • Have farted in front of my significant other in a past relationship but wouldn’t do it again
  • Have farted in front of my significant other in a past relationship and would do it again
  • Silent farts only in front of my significant other
  • Never fart in front of my significant other, but sometimes one slips out and I apologise
  • Never fart in front of someone I want to have sex with
  • I have no-one to fart in front of but I would
  • I have no-one to fart in front of and I would never, unlike those chads, I’m much nicer than them

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The worst ones are when you try to hold it in so long you have an internal fart, which is quite distinct from a belly rumbling and seems to have an added dimension of shame because everyone realises you were desperately clenching your cheeks for the last five minutes rather than getting it out and owning it.

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walked into the gents in work yesterday and some guy next to me at the urinals let out a massive ripper. We both properly chuckled. Good times.

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My phone autocorrected Boris to Virus. That sounds so right to me.

Depending on the partner involved, this is quite a nuanced thing as well. At one end of the scale I have exes who would drop one and say ‘oops, sorry’ and at the other I have ones who insisted I should ‘pull my finger’ or who would hold up a hand for silence before letting go of an absolute rip-snorter. Different farts for different… needs

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We were holding a hollow body hold in my gym class a few weeks ago and then the teacher was like 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and then one of the girls did a little fart.
Her male friend made a big deal of it though by being like HAHAHA HELEN YOU WERE ALMOST IN TIME WITH THE MUSIC THERE

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I think hearing a fart at the end of a countdown would have absolutely ended me, tbf.

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Fart shaming in yoga feels particularly mean

Only half of us heard it but because he made a big deal of it, and they both started laughing a lot, we ended up giggling too.

She was fully on board with the fart lols.

any excuse to repost this…

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Sometimes in meetings I imagine someone doing a massive fart. Always cheers me up.

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that’s absolutely done me. Had real difficulty holding the laughter in whilst people stare at me oddly in the office :slight_smile:

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Does it keep autocorrecting his name to Gary too?

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I remember when Barry Smith did a huge fart in an English exam. It was onto a plastic chair so it resonated through the hall. We laughed, he was removed by the invigilator.
Classic Barry

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It’s brilliant isn’t it? Just innately funny in most circumstances.

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I think people who are sniffy about farts (pun intended) have something missing from their lives

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