Fat acceptance #SSP

:+1:

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a female manager at work had a pop at me for trying to talk sense into a young girl on her team who wanted to show me her body goals and I said “for the love of god, if you show me a picture of someone else on instagram I’m going to flip my lid” and she did show me a picture of someone else on instagram and I subsequently flipped my lid along the lines of you’re perfect the way you are/you should never compare yourself to anyone/you’re your own body/you should be happy and healthy whichever form that takes and apparently I’M the one in the wrong for saying that? No you’re in the wrong for not saying those things and just going hashtag body goals lol

It’s SO ingrained :roll_eyes:

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yeah people always used to comment on my lunch at work, I think it’s cos most people tend to just throw something in the microwave so anything other than that is worthy of comment.

I used to get way more irked by long, lingering stares at my plate when I sat down to eat.

People are nosy about food.

This often I think.

I always get comments about my lunchtime salads being so healthy.
I’m male and not fat.

I’m not sure whether it’s

  • being nosey
  • making chit chat to avoid an awkward silence in the kitchen
  • insecurity
  • surprise that I’m not eating something perceived as feminine

I suspect it’s one of the above on rotation depending on the person.

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Inspired by an interaction I just had with a co-worker, I hope this is an acceptable post in this thread but if not then mods please delete away.

I try to a low-carb lifestyle because when I was younger and at risk of Type 2 Diabetes purely because of my lifestyle, I found it effective at getting me out of - and crucially, keeping me out of - the ‘danger zone’. I recognise of course that it isn’t this simple for most people. To add to my history of obesity, I also have hypothyroidism, so it’s very easy for me to gain weight and not so easy to lose it. I find low-carb, keto, whatever you wanna call it - I find that lifestyle, particularly the avoidance of sugar, to be an effective tool for weight management (if not loss).

I just had a two week stint where i was on an all-inclusive holiday and then on a business trip to San Jose. Many buffets were involved, and I promised myself i wasn’t going to guilt myself endlessly but instead enjoy myself, and get back to my usual habits when I returned. I got into work today and one of my colleagues practically forced a slice of cake on me. I started with “not really hungry” and then eventually moved to outright saying “I’m really trying to not eat things like this” and she was having none of it.

I literally said no three times, and here I am with a slice of greek pastry cake on my desk. And it smells incredible. I know this thread is more about fat acceptance but on the occasion that one is trying to make lifestyle changes, or at least stick to habits that work for them, i find this kind of behaviour hugely disrespectful but have no idea how to deal with it. saying I’m on a diet, or doing low-carb or whatever, always feels very… picky? awkward? a

I’m sorry if this post is inappropriate or triggering; I have a lifelong history of body image issues and genuine, health-impacting weight issues so when I’m actually managing to stick to a regime that works for me I find it very agitating that (usually, very slim) people are totally dismissive of those efforts.

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I think if she tries this again stop being polite or trying to explain yourself, just say ‘no’ each time she presses you. It’s very hard for people to argue with a straightforward and repeated no.

Irked on your behalf, chuck the cake in the bin.

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I get this to a lesser degree because of my T1 Diabetes - cake isn’t off the menu but I need to adjust dosages to accommodate it and sometimes the cake just isn’t worth it.

I don’t make a big thing of just leaving things I can’t eat yet and it could just be that you cover it and put it into a fridge until such a time as you want to eat it.

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I have this quite a lot - I often find a slab of cake or some sort of snack dumped in front of me in my desk.

I’ve given up trying to tell people at work that ‘no, thanks, I don’t want that, but very kind of you.’

I just tend to leave it there till the end of the day then scrape it into the bin :man_shrugging:

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I think the only benefit to my lactose intolerance is having an excuse to not eat any cakes or biscuits that get offered to me

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This sort of behaviour is never ever acceptable and often is really triggering for people recovering from eating disorders.

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I really don’t understand why people think it’s ok to do this. If you offer someone food and they decline, respect that, don’t push it on them or ask why as it’s none of your business.

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People really have a fundamental problem with understanding consent in general, don’t they? I’ve had this kind of thing happen before. Also the "but you had cake last week!“, or “but I can see you want it really”. Yes, last week I did, but I don’t want any this week. How is that hard to understand / accept?

Really want to ask my old Slimming World group leader to send me “come back” stuff, because it really is toxic for me, but she’s nice and I don’t want to offend her :neutral_face:

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You’ve done nothing wrong, you are the only person who gets to decide what goes into your body. But I sympathise, I have had this myself. I once tried telling people in advance not to even offer me cake for the next few weeks (at that particular job there was free cake once a week, which was a nightmare), but then I got into the worse situation of people policing what I ate all the time because I had told them I was trying to cut out cake for a bit.

I think discussing other people interfering with or passing comment on what you eat is very on topic, because if they respected your right to have whatever body you have, it wouldn’t be an issue. Sadly, at least some of the time, the people doing it will be suffering from body image issues themselves.

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This is really heartening, I was worried I might have crossed a line with the diet chat.

Yeah people are weird, my most Sympathetic reading of situations like this is that if you’ve never been in a position where your weight is an issue then you’re obvious to the implications, but even that doesn’t excuse dismissing people when they say no. It’s like, I know you think this is a treat and you’re doing something nice but actually there’s three decades of self loathing under that icing

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this is a fucking nightmare here in Spain.

go round to fam’s for dinner and they’re like ‘wow you’ve lost so much weight, that’s great, keep it up’ and then proceed to pressure you the entire meal into eating more of everything and then ask why you’re not eating dessert over and over. It’s not that bad for me as I’ll readily (maybe too readily…) tell people to fuck off and laugh it off, but it does make looking after your weight a bit harder.

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On a slightly heartbreaking related note, my Grandma bakes me a full chocolate cake every time I see her. I always reluctantly accept it and it pretty much always just goes in the bin. I live by myself and I don’t really work in an occupation whereby I can just rock up with a cake to share with everyone. None of my neighbours are around enough to thrust cakes onto. If I have cake-worthy social plans coming up then it’s like winning the lottery.

Those binned cakes are perhaps the greatest shame in my life.

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check whether there are any food banks/homeless shelters nearby?

this wasn’t intended as a holier than thou WHY AREN’T YOU DOING THIS type thing - I throw food away all the time and always think it could be better served elsewhere. maybe they wouldn’t even take fresh stuff like cakes idk.

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Absolutely - there’s a waste food kitchen in Brighton but they have a very limited opening time that’s always during work hours. It’s too perishable for the food bank. If anyone has any other suggestions, I’m all ears.

Food waste is something I’m very keen to eliminate, so difficult in practice, especially living alone.

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aye. its mainly fresh stuff that I tend to waste after I’ve cooked it too. massively over-estimate how much food I need for one meal and then can’t even finish the leftovers in the fridge for subsequent meals and it ends up binned.

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My poor mum has some major cognitive dissonance between her desire for me to live a long and balanced life, and her knowledge that I love her cooking and will shovel it into my face until there’s none left.

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