Father Christmas

Shortly I have to go over to a nursery where I will be Father Christmas. This is a first for me. I’m a bit nervous that I will be a shit Father Christmas and everyone will just laugh and point, while another part of me wants to just suddenly let out a blood-curdling scream, freaking the children out and making Santa terrifying for ever more. I don’t think I’ll do that though.

Have you been Father Christmas? Any good Santa chat from when you’ve met one? Gimme gimme gimme.


oh wow, that’s a lot of pressure

Just the sort of reassurance I need.


WHen you get there say “Ho Ho Ho merry DiSmas” but in such a way nobody can be sure you said DiSmas


I’ve never been Father Christmas nor can I imagine myself ever doing so. Best of luck with your afternoon.

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it will be amazing obviously

but yeah, wooft. how many kids is it?

We used to do a thing on chrismas eve where a family member would ‘go to the shops’, go upstairs, get a big bag of presents, dress as santa, sneak out and knock on the door to deliver them.

Stopped believing in santa when my heavy smoking and drinking spanish expat uncle was on santa duty: dumped the bag of presents on the floor, said ‘here’s your fucking presents’, sat down, pulled the beard down and sparked a tab.

28 years old I was (I was 3)


Pic please!

Could’ve been worse

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One class of 4 year olds. They’ll be more scared of me than I am of them, right? Like spiders.

Tell every child you know they’ve been really naughty and don’t stop interrogating them until they cry.

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scribbles down notes


I might do this. It’s Christmas seflie day too, by the looks of it.

Does your breath smell of whisky? It should probably smell of whisky.

Also good luck because this sounds like you’ll end the day with a load of really heartwarming stories!

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Done. Presents delivered: 40. Number of times heard We Wish you a Merry Christmas: 2. Children cried: 1. Thank yous received from children: 0. Presents snatched away in terror: 40.


when I was a cub scout we all lined up to see Santa one Christmas at the yearly party. Sat on his knee (yes you could still do that in the mid 80’s) Saw his watch and said “Dad ?” my father very quickly said “no, I’m Father Christmas” then whispered “shhhh don’t tell anyone” bless him



were the parents with them?

well done though, 1/40 is pretty good going i would have thought.

No parents, they’re at nursery so very young and wide eyed, a lot too young to even know what thank you means. They were very, very cute though.

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I realised at the age of four that the Santa Claus at my primary school was the caretaker.

The magic of Christmas was irreversibly tainted forever.