Favourite nostalgia for a Britain that never existed


Well, since hard Brexit UKIP Tory pensioners seem to like this, why can’t we, for the purposes of lampooning it?

My top 5:

  • Pre-1980 summers always having perfect weather. Is it just me or does every family outing one’s grandparents made to Blackpool, Morecambe, Skegness etc. seem to have been taken where rain and clouds had been banned? I do believe some of your classic British seaside resorts of yesteryear never actually existed. Especially New Brighton and Saundersfoot.

  • People being required by law to clap the pilot when the plane landed. Those who refused were sentenced to life on a rail replacement bus service.

  • Good old fashioned discipline in schools when if they said to an unruly pupil “You’re for the high jump” they actually made them do the high jump. Morrissey said “I had the most terrible schooldays, but oh, the redeeming melancholic beauty of covering oneself in vegan squirrel paste and doing the Fosbury Flop over a tank of randy pine martens. You can’t do that now… dastardly liberal mainstream media.”

  • Bus drivers having to wear compulsory dinner jackets and only allow passengers on if they bowed their head and called them “Your Royal Busness”

  • When you’d finished with a Walls ice lolly and they had messages written on the stick revealing the code used to send Neil Armstrong to the moon.


Oh look, another MPBH post about UKIP/Brexit


Garlic bread!


That actually did exist tho

Along with inedible supermarket pizza till about 1995


When you were a funny and valued poster


Oh, do you remember the days when there were no ‘coloured’ people and you never heard any funny foreign accents on the street? Actually, Mr Gammon, no I don’t.


It’s all just choices between different flavours of awful, isn’t it? Like, the past was awful, objectively awful, but there were good hats and no social media, and people had depression and cancer but never knew because diagnosis wasn’t so good and so on, and it was a long way away so it’s easy to romanticise. And now there’s tonnes of awful stuff, and also a lot of great progress has been made but that’s doubly awful because there are loads of arseholes who hate it and want to take all the good stuff away and live in the time of steam. So you can either decide you want the awful Richmal Crompton world to return, or you have to live in the potentially better world with the awful people who want that to happen. Awful.


On a serious note, the baby boomer generation might really have it tough in 10-20 years time when they’re heading to retirement homes etc. Well the more “gammon” ones anyway as younger progressive people have really run out of patience with their, um, gammon-ness, and will barely visit them.

Understandably people who had grandparents who lived through and maybe served in WW2 could brush off concerns about their un-PC views
but with some of today’s 60 somethings (I’m only talking about the Daily Mail flank of them, my parents and a lot of their friends really aren’t!) many say they were the luckiest generation in history but instead of appreciating that luck choose to use it to piss on everyone else who isn’t them from a great height. And because they weren’t around to contribute to stopping the greatest danger to humans’ future they aren’t seen as sacred like the elderly were 25 years ago in most ordinary people’s eyes regardless of politics. It’s heartbreaking how things like Brexit have divided families, but some people really bring it on themselves…