I think DiS is a much better and more inclusive place than it used to be. The misogyny that used to be rife has largely subsided (although there are still the odd comments that make me raise an eyebrow) which is great but I think also representative of us as a wider demographic group in society.
I’d be really interested to hear about where DiSers would position themselves within feminism; is it something you’re proactive about? Do you challenge ‘banter’ that is clearly misogyny and/or derogatory?
Have any of the cishet men of DiS rejected previously misogynistic behaviours?
I think I’m proactive! Maybe? I don’t engage as much online any more because of the difficulty of phone-posting.
So very weary of “dude and bro are neutral!” (unspoken: you should feel honored") and the use of -ette to designate a feeeeemale member of an online community. E.g., nembers of SomethingAwful are “goons” but women are “goonettes”, same with Fark (farkers/farkettes).
Actually, that goes back to grade school, when I asked why female deities were called goddess when the definition of god made no mention of gender. It feels reminiscent of the White Horse Dialogue.
I like that AskAManager uses female pronouns as default, unless the lettterwriter says otherwise.
I try and be a good, vocal ally. I get it wrong a fair bit and still have a lot to learn, obviously, but luckily my wife is very passionate about feminism and guides me on what I can do to improve.
I do try and challenge or call out bad behaviour or sexism where I can, even in little ways like, for example, some middle aged men who come in my shop with their wives have a habit of correcting or speaking for them, and I’ll always make a point of telling the man they’re wrong and she’s right or just ignoring him completely and addressing the woman. This seems really smalltime now I’ve written it down! Also, years of running pubs and working with mostly young female bar staff has given me plenty of experience in challenging ‘banter’ or inappropriate attention.
This website has been invaluable too tbh in educating and informing me as to what is and isn’t ok or helpful etc.
It isn’t small time. That type of male behaviour is so infuriating and such men will never respond well to being corrected/ignored by a woman, especially if she’s younger/minority.
I feel like I’m about as engaged and proactive as I can be. I have been a feminist and called out sexist behaviour for as long as I remember but it’s depressing that I still have to do it with the same frequency that I did 20 years ago.
I go running three times a week and at least once a week I have to tell some lecherous prick to fuck off.
I see lots of talk from men about how they’re all feminists now, but not a lot of actual behaviour change. I think the Internet makes it easy for them to talk the talk without walking the walk.
And then there’s men who are good at parroting the right phrases on social media to deliberately manufacture a positive public image of themselves, but then treat women appallingly in their personal life. (And are increasingly getting outed for it)
Would absolutely call myself an ally and have lost many male friends as a result of calling out their awful behaviour and views.
Still struggle a bit with conditioned misogyny and have definitely let myself down with my behaviour in the past. I think I’m probably better at calling out others than myself which is bad and quite embarrassing but something I am more aware of and attempting to correct.
“You have to excuse him, he’s really fucked up right now.”
oooooooffffftttttt this is a THING.
i don’t really know any manarchists to be honest (my version is dodgy leftists who you’re starting to worry about because it’s a liiiiiittle bit uncomfortable that they keep starting conversations - that you don’t wanna have in the first place - by ranting about Israel) but parts of this ring true.
I don’t want to be that person who says “as a parent”, but bringing a small person up in the 21st century I feel myself being more proactively feminist than I was before, mainly to correct all the bullshit that gets fed by the world without question. All the scenarios where the good little wife stays at home, or the family always seems to be one that would be more realistic than now. Thankfully we know families with just one parent, or two mums or two dads. Yesterday Jimbo was watching a Peppa Pig where daddy pig’s white football shirt gets turned pink in the wash, so we had to point out that anyone could where whatever colour they wanted - and that one of my favourite tee shirts was pink
Modern story books are better for presenting a more balanced view of things, but it frightens me to think how many families out there won’t be challenging the things that their children are picking up
Actually, having said that, I’ve also had a long standing policy on my blog (now about nine years old) where I refuse to write about any band made up of four white boys playing guitar
I would always call myself an ally, but that’s something that’s evolved a lot as I’ve grown up.
Remember once accusing a friend of “being a white knight” for his girlfriend, and still regret that to this day - think I still had a lot of unresolved sexist/chauvinistic assumptions about shit at that time, and was probably a lot closer to being a “nice guy” around that time. Generally think I’ve improved on that? Try to be self-critical, though, as much as possible.
Very much ^this. I feel like I have a much better chance raising my daughters as feminists than I do of convincing (say) my 67 year old boss to change his views.
I certainly know men in my extended social circle who it’s very advantageous for their careers in music, journalism etc/social capital to work very hard at presenting this image of big softie women’s advocate who are a totally different story behind the scenes, even at work, let alone in personal relationships
my dad does this, even for Harvey Wernstein ffs i would never tell him about my bad experiences anyway but it’s beyond crushing to know that one of the people you love the most in the world would probably blame you
I tried to tell my mother about what happened with the cat_race stuff, and she wasn’t interested and told me it was my fault for “putting myself out there”.
have accepted my reputation of being blunt and salty with relish.
i would never tell him about my bad experiences anyway but it’s beyond crushing to know that one of the people you love the most in the world would probably blame you