Fewest people you ever played to.

Think I’ve twice played to zero actual punters, just other bands and staff.

IIRC once due to hurricane, once due to ‘why are we playing in Colchester?’.

I think one of these was funny and the other was depressing.

Do you have nightmares abiut this? Do care when it happens? Has it never happened?

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Where bounce in Colchester?

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I do weekly livestream acoustic gigs on Instagram, mostly for my parents, but sometimes they can’t tune in so it’s just me singing into the void.

Sometimes my phone mic isn’t working properly either, and no one’s around to let me know, so I end up broadcasting an hour of silence.


Played a gig in Preston to the soundman and my bandmate’s partner. Two people on stage, two not on stage. Quite enjoyed it tbh.


I don’t count but I’m guessing about 3 and that’s happened a number of times, especially if first on the bill.

In my old band I was in we had like a 20 date headline uk tour, it was the month the album came out and we had a fair bit of press and a following, a fair few of the shows were sold out including London and others close to selling out. However Leicester we played to no more than 3 in their academy venue at the university. To be fair was on a Sunday on Valentine’s Day so that contributed.

It’s never bummed me out or anything with low attendances, I just crack on anyway, it’s fun to play with your mates right?


Probably between 10-20, I always think there’ll be nobody there at all but somehow people come through the woodwork eventually.

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(zero punters, so the soundguy went downstairs.)


Played to one (1) paying punter on one occasion. Two more paying punters arrived later in the night, but I was on first so just the one for me. On the plus side, she apparently enjoyed it and told me so afterwards. Didn’t really mind tbh, partly as I knew the reason the show was so quiet was due to the from-out-of-town headliner booking it the same night as a big album launch show with multiple popular local bands playing.

Also I actually used my recording of the set for a tape release, so I still got something out of it.


Played to zero people too many times to remember. Used to just treat them as practices tbh, but in a place that serves beers!


Did a sketch comedy show in my second year of university at the Fringe and one night about 6 people showed up and nobody laughed once


Same, a few times.

We once played at Edge of the Wedge in Portsmouth to 4 paying punters, two of whom were there because one of them had the same name as our band. They left halfway through.


Aye exactly. Always fun to have beers and hang out with friends. Also we once played to 3 people somewhere in London but one of them booked us for Green Man so we always made sure we gave it everything still.


Drove 7 hours to play to one person. To be fair she fucking loved it but I’ve no idea why she was there, she was completely wasted and seemed to have just got lost or something. Ended up being one of the funniest nights we ever had a band though, sometimes a gig like that can really stink things up but we just went out afterwards and had a really fun time.


Four Musicians


Shit totally forget, was another one in a different band in 2017 I think, drove up to Liverpool, get there and find out all the supports had pulled out and the longer the night goes on we realise it’s gonna be pretty dead. In the end we play to one person who paid and the two “promoters”. Even our guestlist of the few mates in Liverpool we had couldn’t be bothered to show up!

Again we had a laugh about it, the one guy that did pay to watch us loved it and had seen us before, and we chatted to him between songs and actually felt quite nice like we were putting on a private show for him.

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One time the place cleared out before we got on and we ended up playing to an audience of my dad.


Coventry, Warwick and…escapes me…we played to no-one who wasn’t employed to be there.

Only the Coventry one was outright depressing. Because (perhaps unfairly) Coventry.

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See, now I’m thinking it might have been Chelmsford. Whichever one has a ruined castle.

It was a weird little venue that must have been designed for tiny metal bands as it had a drum riser and also risers for guitarists! Yet it was tiny!

Sounds like Colchester. Might have been the Oliver Twist? Remember the first time I went thinking it looked the spit of the venue in the never mind the buzzcocks credits

This was years ago, but I reckon you might be absolutely right! 10/10