Filth Thread: Bad Sex Award Editiom

Ewwwww

I think that one might be the worst

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They don’t call him Rock Steady for nothing :smirk:

Ever get so starved of people to fancy at work that you start fancying people who you wouldn’t look twice at in public?

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Yes, we used to have this at my old work, we called it B********** Buff (redacted for obvious reasons). It was basically someone who probably wouldn’t turn your head normally but at work sure why not.

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Talking to a lass on Tinder about baking and there is. so much. potential. for. euphemisms.

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‘I’ll put a bun in your oven’?

Doesn’t quite work for a women though…

Cover me in buttercream and call me Victoria?

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Cakes and puns and filth this is the perfect combination

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“DO YOU HAVE NICE BAPS??!!!”

I’m such a charming and witty man.

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I worry that my sex chat, if read by a third party in the cold light of day, would absolutely fall foul of the bad sex awards, but luckily for the world I’m not planning on being an author

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never really had sex chat with anybody, not sure if I would find it exciting or cringeworthy

With the right person it is very good and fulfilling

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Had some amazing sex chat the night the clocks went back - checked the time and it was 4:50am and that was after the clock change - we’d been at it for hours :smiley:

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They started humping. And as they were humping they realised this was no ordinary humping. No. They were humping. On a boat.

Then a shark came.

“Cant believe that shark was watching us humping the whole time,” he said while humping

“Egads!” she exclaimed mid-Hump, “our boat is now stuck in the excitable adhesive of that lonesome shark”

“Ocean Rescue wont be here for at least seventeen hours,” the man said

“What shall we do for all that time?” She asked and by the way they’re still humping

“I have a plan,” he said, “and by the way the twist is that my name is Sting”

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Every breath you take and every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I’ll be humping you.
Every single day and every word you say, every game you play, every night you stay, I’ll be humping you.

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Some sexy words to use in your next sexy chat times -

Turgid
Flaky
Ceramic
Meticulously
Thrustee
Placenta

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You’re obsessed