Filth Thread: Bad Sex Award Editiom

Nobody should ever write about sex.

“They went into a room, shut the door and did it.” Should be the absolute limit of all written sex scenes.


Sex stories

  • First person
  • Third person

0 voters

release your inner goddess ffs

1 Like

So! The placenta becomes the placentee!


Depends how many people are involved

1 Like

Awww I really miss having cyber sex over Skype messenger with my ex in 2015. Poor lamb had never done dirty messaging before and lost his fucking mind.

Urgh wish I didn’t have to wait like 4 months for him to do magical things to my neck again :sob:

I would laugh at the OP but I’ve found out over the last few weeks that I don’t seem to be able to engage in sexy chat without inadvertently embarrassing the other person :disappointed:

How sensitive is your neck (public)

  • Completely devoid of feeling
  • Not especially sensitive
  • Quite sensitive
  • Very sensitive
  • Basically my g-spot
  • If you swung a hammer at it with full force I’d probably sploosh

0 voters

I think I’m gonna need examples of everyone’s sexy chat.

I am very squeamish with it unless I properly fancy them and they can do it in a non cringe way

I am very ticklish.

my sexy chat would be terrible, I’m quite sure

I don’t know why but I’m imagining Gregg Wallace looking at a vagina and shouting WHOOOAAARRRRRR LOOK AT THAT

I don’t think my voice fits well with bovril hot carnal passion

can I come on your tits, mate?


I’ve read that it’s sexy if you can make your partner feel comfortable at laughing during sex, so I exclusively stick to knock knock jokes.


Maybe you should try Shakespeare’s tongue. I believe that’s extremely funny

1 Like


yes x

Never heard rimming called that before etc

1 Like

the sexman of venice
twelfth night of bonking
much ado about fucking

1 Like