Foodstuffs that make a big impact on your bodily functions

[drastic_measures]

poison - death

[Aggpass]

Gives me fast dreams. Just rattle through them one after another, I think some people say this about coffee before bed but I’ve never had it with that

[doubleespresso]

You would be surprised at how many people turn up at a&e for this

[f_j_gopop]

Tuna Steak - literally uncontrollable stream of shit within 1 hour. Been caught out twice.

[Epimer]

Broccoli - sorts you out

[Mistersteve]

Shreddies three days in a row - literally a road right through you.

Useful, if that’s what you’re after.

[colon_closed_bracket]

@laelfy

Local Indian - fragrant farts

@anon5266188

Salt & Vinegar Pringles - Mouth Ulcers

@Ruffers

apples - doctor repelling pheromone

@JaguarPirate

Sherbet lemons - lacerated tongue

@HotBeefTrauma

Cheese before bed- funny dreams

@Mistersteve

Eggs - gas and no poos!

@83746725

Expensive sushi - erection

This year’s Festive Fifty is beginning to take shape nicely.

[Gnometorious]

Someone told me all dreams only last a few seconds. That’s obviously bollocks, isn’t it.

[marckee]

Not really a bodily function, but:

Pineapple: makes your tongue tingle as it tenderises.

(due to the bromelain)

[AQOS]

The spicy chicken I had at lunch: bad poos

[profk]

sludge beers completely fuck up my stomach.

[GoFasterStripes]

Sometimes sort of enjoy that thing that happens where you eat something really rich and oniony and then your butt smells really rich and oniony all day the next day. It’s gross but it’s also satisfying

[froglet]

I think cheese and yogurt have less lactose in them. Ice cream is the worst for me.

[GoFasterStripes]

They take at least 45 minutes to arrive here, your delivery guys are good

[Ella_Megablast]

fish ‘n’ chips - guaranteed two days of agonising stomach cramps, heartburn and pebble dashing for me. sigh

has anyone else noticed that old el paso fajita farts smell identical to the freshly cooked meal? quite disconcerting, really

[Epimer]

Depends on the cheeses/yogurts. But it’s not even reliable enough to say like “mozzarella is ok” because it depends on the mozzarella!

Except goat cheese is always ok. But I don’t want that. Tastes like goat.

[froglet]

I haven’t tried myself, I don’t trust any dairy. Some of my relatives are/were ok with cheese and yogurt and I saw an advert for parmesan the other day claiming it was ok for lactose intolerant people ALLEGEDLY.

[avocado]

Me too, especially as I have it rarely. Not sure why I’m doing this to myself rn but it tastes so good

[Epimer]

Parmesan is one of the more reliably safe ones but I’m not risking death farts --> stomach cramps --> bum wee for a dusty foot-smelling cheese.

Also I’m a vegetari

[Scott_Chegg]

@meowington

I once called my mum in a panic as I thought I was peeing blood but turns out I’d ate a shit load of beetroot earlier in the day and forgot

My partner used to work for Bowel Cancer UK doing their social media and got sent a tonne of poo pics from people freaking out that had, it turns out, eaten a lot of beetroot