Working at the jobcentre has to be a tense job – knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day. Adam Rowe
I had a job drilling holes for water – it was well boring. Leo Kearse
I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed. Olaf Falafel
In my last relationship I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me. Daniel Audritt
What do colour-blind people do when they are told to eat their greens? Flo & Joan
I’ve got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it’s not easy. They keep moving the goalposts. Darren Walsh
Trump said he’d build a wall but he hasn’t even picked up a brick. He’s just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project. Justin Moorhouse
8=) I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it. Adele Cliff
8=) Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off? Alex Edelman
I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it’s like this all the time. Laura Lexx
I work in the water/hydrogeology sector, this joke has been around for years. It’s a good one liner, I went through a phase of saying it to people when explaining what I do for work.