Funniest Jokes of the Fringe 2019

NOTE: This is NOT Dave’s canonical list of funniest jokes, merely the Guardian’s selection. I will update this thread when the Dave version comes through. Consider this a warm-up for your laughter muscles.

  1. Steff Todd: My new boyfriend told me he’s got my face as his wallpaper, which I thought was cute until I saw his lounge.

  2. Olaf Falafel: Actors who can cure my lisp? I’m pretty sure Anne Hathaway, but I’m going to ask Colin Firth.

  3. Catherine Bohart: I suppose lesbian sex is a bit like cricket, in that it goes on for ever and there are a lot of men watching it at home, alone, on the internet.

  4. Darren Harriott: My mum said she’s turning my room into a study. I doubt it, unless she’s doing a PhD on Coronation Street and Echo Falls rosé.

  5. Alex Kealy: When applying for a job as an estate agent, the interviewer worried that my CV was a bit small. I said actually it’s really cosy and I was immediately hired.

  6. Joz Norris: Do you reckon the band Chic ever found any takers for that free cow they were always trying to get rid of?

  7. Ken Cheng: The other kids all called me “token” growing up. At least that’s what they put at the top of my Christmas cards. Sure, there was a space between the “to” and the “ken” but the point remains the same.

  8. Lucy Beaumont: My auntie Barbara won’t buy free-range chickens because she says you don’t know where they’ve been.

  9. Darren Walsh: Cat flaps are for pussies.

  10. Flo and Joan: I know that Banksy’s my dad, because I never see him.

HAHAHAHAHA! FUCKING HELL THAT’S A GOOD ONE :joy: :joy: :joy:

14 Likes
  1. Feel like I could have come up with that (so it’s not funny enough)
  2. Fine
  3. Sure I guess
  4. HAHAHA MUMS
  5. Yeah that’s fine
  6. Hmm
  7. Alright
  8. Hmm
  9. Really?
  10. Fine

:neutral_face:

4 Likes

normally there’s at least two good ones in this list

3 Likes

the free cow one made me snort

7 Likes

giphy%20(1)

5 Likes

MUMS EH
WORRA THEY LIKE

1 Like

I enjoyed the second joke in that ten joke list.

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annoyingly my mum DOES love Coronation Street and Rose wine

1 Like

If delivered well this isn’t bad.

The rest, nah.

2 Likes

A list like this is also bad and annoying in that it makes a case for the “YOU CAN’T SAY ANYTHING IN COMEDY ANY MORE” crowd

1 Like

Heard a joke on the weekend (not mine) that went:

Why shouldn’t you buy pants from Northern Ukraine?
'cher-nob-yl fall out

2 Likes
  1. The word “wallpaper” has multiple modern uses!

  2. People with a lisp have difficulty pronouncing the letter s!

  3. Tortured comparison between known funny things “lesbianism” and “male wanking!”

  4. The word “study” has multiple meanings and I’m going to ignore grammar to make this work!

  5. Estate agents often use euphemisms and I’m going to use some tortured phrasing to turn this into a joke!

  6. Homonyms exist!

  7. The phrase " to ken" and the word “token” are very similar and I can use that in a joke about tokenism!

  8. The phrase “free range” has implications beyond that which are intended, sort of!

  9. “Pussies” is another word for “cats” and also means “vaginas!”

  10. Banksy is secretive and absent fathers are also funny!

1 Like

I really like that Olaf Falafel one. The others aren’t great.

1 Like

would you like to post some selfies with amusing haircuts and we could vote on the Funniest Fringe of the Joke 2019?

3 Likes

3 might be alright in the right context tbf.

Who watches cricket on the internet? Is that a common thing?

Full disclosure : I have now TV and a chromecast so sort of do, but not in the way the joke means.

1 Like

FREE COW!

9 Likes

Thanks but no thanks