Funny first date stories

I’ll absolutely outdo you all, btw. I live in a tiny town and have dated everyone that’s available.

FIRST ONE. My first name is Alex, and I went on a date with another Alex. I met him when I was working behind a bar- that in itself is a funny story that involved him spitting pickled egg at me. But yes, he asked me out and I said yes because… tbh I was a bit bored.
Anyway we go to a different pub round the corner from the one I worked at, and all the customers were like “hi Alex! Who’s this?” Etc, and he got SO annoyed that people knew me. “Oh, you’re popular then. Have you slept with all of these people?” “… no, I just serve them beers and I’m nice so they remember me?”
We eventually sit down with our drinks and he says “hey, you know what’s funny? If we got married, we’d have the same name!” And I was like heh yeah dude that’s hilarious. “I said that to my colleagues.” Okay. “And my boss. My boss at x who’s name is x.” WELL THAT WAS MY DAD WASN’T IT. All I could do was stare at him in horror. So, I did the sensible thing and got myself hammered enough to kiss him when he walked me home (vividly remember standing outside a primary school and my brain going “what a mistake-a to make-a” and me shouting back in my head “SHUT UP BRAIN”) and we had a second date. Which to be fair, could’ve been completely adorable, he picked me up and took me for a hill walk with his dog and packed us a picnic which was so cute. However, he kept asking if my Dad had finished his end of year reports and did I know anything etc, like… no dude, I don’t. Very odd. And he made the marriage comment again which was a fun Brucey bonus.

This thread is sponsored by Ted 2 texting me again.


This is the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.


First date with my sixth form boyfriend - the one who said he made a graph proving why we shouldn’t break up when i dumped him (i never saw it) - was at Tonbridge Castle and we sat on the lawns and awkwardly chatted for a few hours. there was a point where, clearly frustrated that no lovin’ was forthcoming (i’d never kissed anyone before), he went “DO YOU WANT TO BE MY WOMAN??” and I laughed hysterically because how else can you respond to a 17 year old nerd asking you that??

Then he went “Look! A squirrel!!” and I turned around and THERE WAS A SQUIRREL and I was turning back to enthuse to him about the squirrel and he lunged at me and that was my first kiss :frowning: While I was thinking about how cute the squirrel was (you/the guy she told you not to worry about)


Oh mate, I just laughed SO hard


Never been on a first date mate


Been on one date proper date in my life. Did a schoolboy wee in the bushes directly outside my flat because I couldn’t get my key to work.

Then she threw up in my kitchen and we both fell asleep/passed out fully clothed.

8 years later and we’re very, very happy together.


Not a first date but there was a awkward moment once where I was just getting back out there after a catastrophic but short relationship, and bumped in to my band mate at the time. He was like ‘oh fuck, I’ve got someone you should absolutely meet, she’s a mate of mine and you’d be perfect!’

Walks me over and it was the best friend of the woman from aforementioned relationship and just this awkward thing where we’re opposite each other and our mutual friend is expecting this all to go well.


This story isn’t mine but came from a colleague.

He’d gone through an absolutely horrific divorce, ended up quitting his job and moving to to a worse school in a worse area just to try to escape the bad memories so his first forays into Internet dating were quite tentative.

He is a very rational, sensible, polite man. Maybe not the most exciting partner you’d ever meet but he was a lovely guy.

One of the first dates he had was with a woman who (on paper) was a perfect match with. They went out for a drink and after ten minutes, she started talking about spirit crystals and other spiritual stuff that she was clearly really involved with but he saw as being nonsense. The date lasted for another forty-five minutes until she asked if she could touch his feet to cleanse his aura and my rational, sensible, polite colleague went politely to the bar and then left the building.


I got set up on a blind date by my best mate and his wife - the sole premise being that my date to be had a thing about bald men.

During the course of the evening my date jokingly threatened to give my mate a fisting; believing it to mean a punch.

15 years later we’re married, with two kids.


You’re all too nice :smiley:
I once accidentally went on a date with a guy who I was related to (VIA MARRIAGE before anyone starts) and then at Christmas his Mum gave me a selection of nail varnishes.


I do have worse stories but I am the bad one in all of them so I’m not going to tell them.

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Not sure i remember any given i was drunk until I was 26.

I went on a date with a guy called Darren when i was about 17, my dad was still knocking around then and he was quite strict so I had to be home by 10pm. For some reason we drove all the way to Southport (about 50 minutes drive maybe passing loads of much more suitable places on the way) just to go to a Wetherspoons, had one drink, came home after some car fumbling. We barely spoke and it was awkward and I didn’t fancy him and felt so ashamed that I had strict curfews unlike my friends that I just thought it was best that I never see him again. Ignored his messages the next day and felt awful about it but at least I’d never see him again. The day after that I came downstairs in some ridiculously childish slobby pyjama set and there was Darren…reading our meter. Not a funny story but a pretty awkward encounter for me at the time.

Most dates have become relationships so I don’t have many stories, I went on a date with a magician who did do tricks the whole time like we were 9, then we had an argument at the bar because he kept asking me questions and then talking over my answers.


I also went on one whole dating app date with a guy last year. His pictures weren’t great but I thought well men can’t take pictures of themselves, and he seemed a bit dull but he was in Tunbridge Wells so thought I might as well give it a go, he’s been travelling so should have some good stories. I insisted that we go to Spoons because it’s cheap and public and also (sue me) I love the Tunbridge Wells Spoons, it’s an opera house ffs.

He turns up late - I’m already a cider down - and, well, the pictures were good pictures of him, the best way to describe his face is that it was gnarly, kind of like a tree. I knew immediately this was not going anywhere but I assume stranger date etiquette is that you don’t just leave because someone’s face isn’t very good. So he asks if I want a drink but, clever Pervo, I’ve been ordering my drinks through the app so he doesn’t think I owe him anything by buying me drinks. He gets his drink and we begin the root canal equivalent of a date.

The conversation is literally: “What books do you like?”, “What films do you like?”. He asks me if I like horror movies. I say no it’s not really my thing. He smiles confidently and goes “Girls don’t like horror movies.” (Not a paraphrase; he later says my music taste ‘sounds a bit girly to [him]’.) He makes the most fascinating cities in the world sound as exciting as Milton Keynes, except at least Milton Keynes has fake cows ffs. He asks if I want a drink, I’m like “no I’ll order mine through the app” because I still feel like it’s too early for me to politely leave even though he’s started talking about his ex.

Something comes up relevant to languages or Russia, and I mention I’ve been learning Russian. He replies - again, confidently - “Oh yeah, Russian, I’ve heard of that.” At this point I decide I have to get out of there, but I’m too awkward to leave, so I decide to be as obnoxious as possible to get him to leave. He mentions something moderately unpleasant and I say, “Well, you know what they say, cope or rope!!” and he goes “Cope or hope, that’s a nice saying” and I was like “No I said ‘cope or rope’” and he downs his drink and says he needs to leave.

I try to get away with a handshake goodbye but he insists on a hug and then tries to see if I’m going to the Pantiles (where he’s headed) - nope, fortunately I live in the opposite direction, so I walk off and ring everyone I know to tell them about RUSSIAN, I’VE HEARD OF THAT. the guy messages me the next morning insinuating that he thinks I was being so weird because I was really drunk. (I did not reply.)

A few days later I went to meet a friend I’d wanted to bang for ages, wore a nicer dress than I wore for the actual date, and, well… there was more than a hug. :smirk: :pray:


My brother and I found out at our grandad’s wake that we’re related to a successful runner up of Love Island (second cousin once removed) - her grandparents, mum and aunt were there. My brother on the way home goes “fuck’s sake, I thought she was an absolute piece on Love Island” :see_no_evil: :see_no_evil: :see_no_evil:


My one date wasn’t that eventful. She misheard me and I was too polite to tell her I wasn’t a seasoned skiier but that’s about it


Actually, my first Internet date was with a beautiful woman who I got on really well (we’d had a recurring joke about this pair of shoes her mam had bought her) with up until I walked her to her car and she showed me the shoes and I barked out some nervous giggle about them being a French prostitute’s shoes. No idea where it came from.

We were married within the month.

Not really. Never saw her again.


Once went on a date with a girl who was the personal chef to the King of the country (not disclosing which otherwise she’s instantly googleable) and she took me back to her flat to “check out the kitchen” and I was so hammered and exhaused that I sat on the end of the bed and woke up several hours later, fully dressed. Had to see myself out whilst she was asleep and figure out where the hell I was at 6am. She never spoke to me again.


A first date on NYE 2015 (with my now wife) ended up having a friend of hers tag along as he was visiting London at the time and she didn’t want him to spend the night alone. We all met up in Primrose Hill and after the fireworks we all went back to her place nearby to actually have some time alone and chatted until like 2am. She said I could sleep on the sofa as the student that usually stays there was at another party and wouldn’t be home until tomorrow… 2 hours later I was woken up by that girl opening the front door verbally shocked that some random guy was on her bed/sofa. I just pretended I was sleeping and she went in my wives room and slept in the bed with her.


I don’t think I have any really but I went on one and the person seemed to hate me as soon as they sat down which was weird. They made every conversation really difficult it was like almost aggressive? I think it traumatised me I imagine other people have been through this but the conversation was also painfully one sided from the start and then after I texted “haha that was terrible!”