Funny situations you can imagine Superman in


#1

Because look at the fucking dweeb

We’ve already had trying to quit cigarettes.

How about if he just lost all his clothes somehow?
Flying around with his hands over his crown jewels, then he realises he doesn’t have his keys, got to fly past a bunch of innocent families on his way to his house. What a berk!

How about he has a particularly disagreeable curry, and unfortunately can’t control the explosiveness of his case of Epimers, so everywhere he turns entire rooms are getting blown into oblivion. Hahaha Superprick.

Your turn.


#2

What about if he was flying to rescue a person and then he made a poopy in his pants?


#3

Feel like I’ve more or less covered this but yes I suppose in an emergency I can see this being worrying as well as embarrassing, the Supertwat.


#4

What about if his mates shaved his eyebrows while he was asleep and he had a hot date that night?


#5

What about if he got a boner just as he was due to give a presentation in front of the shareholders?


#6

What if he arranged two dates on the same night and at the same restaurant, and he kept having to make his excuses and move from one table to the other.


#7

He goes looking for an engagement ring for Lois but some of the rings that he thinks have tiny emeralds in them are actually kryptonite and he collapses silently on the floor and the jeweller doesn’t know what to do.


#8

Superman votes for the UKIP candidate at the general election because he’s sick of foreigners.
Superman gets laid off from the newspaper because there’s no more money in print journalism and is forced to go on the giro.
Superman waves to someone on the street, but it turns out its not the person he thought it was and gets really embarrassed.
Phone falls out of his pocket midflight and his insurance won’t cover it.


#9

Superman gets really pissed off at all the other heroes and retaliates by putting on all their clothes and starts doing lunges.


#10

Or the jeweller is some campy 60s supervillain called the Diamond Geezer or something and he’s been trying to poison Superman all along, but has been playing an incredibly long game by running a jewellers for 30 years and just waiting for the day he came in.


#11

Superman signs up for an account on drownedinsound in order to fill the cold, bleak social void in his life.


#12

Superman waves to someone in the street but the force kills them instantly


#13

What about if Superman is having a shower just as the doorbell rings for a delivery that he’s been waiting for and he has to rush down with a towel wrapped round him and then, in his haste, his front door slams behind him with the towel trapped in it and he realises he’s both naked in public and locked out of his flat at the same time and there’s like daft amounts of bubbles in his hair from the shampoo.


#14

Superman has a moment of identity crisis and changes his name to Clyde via deed poll. Spends the next few years getting really prissy about people calling him superman.


#15

Superman’s kid is out playing in the snow and he’s like ‘Daddy, look you can see my breath’ and he breathes out a bit of smoke. Superman wades in and says ‘watch this’ and uses his icy breath to freeze a lampost like the most competitive Dad in the history of Fatherhood. Superman’s son begins to cry.


#16

Superman goes to lean on the bar, but the bar is up and he falls to the floor.

To spare him any further embarrassment he slaughters everyone who saw it happen and burns their bodies with his heat vision.


#17

Alternatively Superman falls through the bar but subsequently through the entire Earth and never comes back


#18

Then has another rebrand as S-Diddy


#19

Superman pisses too hard and breaks the toilet.
Superman forgets he is Superman for four years and loads of bad crimes happen.
Superman coughs and destroys Stranraer.


#20

Superman and Batman are asked about their real identities by a journalist, Superman says “Don’t tell 'em, Bruce!”

Then he pushes the earth into the sun.