Always thought he was Mongolian tbh.
Couldn’t invade the good ship, Kilburn
What’s goin on, my name’s Al and I’m a capricorn
Because of his conquests 1 in every 200 people globally are also Capricorns
Fucking love stuff like this
My friend and I started making a PowerPoint on the science of astrology and included a slide in how Ted Cruz was the Zodiac Killer because his Capricorn traits prove it
Still not as bad as Geminis, sorry to the statistical 12th of you who were born under the cursed sign!
Wish I wasn’t a capricorn
My friends and I do PowerPoint presentations every time we visit each other and my one last year was on my hypothetical wedding plan. It featured the guest list ordered by star sign and the Capricorn table was the most consistently excellent: my grandpa, a bridesmaid and most importantly Pumpkin the gerbil. Capricorns are powerful (apart from Ted Cruz)
Capricorn’s are fucking cool
You absolute traitor
Everyone seems to hate us! (is paranoia a cap trait?)
It’s not a bad list. Me, jesus, pumpkin, LL Cool J, Chris-budget…
This would be because of a classic issue with regard to the expansion of the Mongol Empire, that of supply lines, reliance on cavalry, and rites of succession. When the empire was in a mode of expansion, it progressed well until any of these things faltered. At the point that the Mongol Empire attempted to invade Persia, the sudden change of terrain from fertile grassland, necessary for the maintenance of a cavalry-based army, to a more arid landscape put great strain on the supply chain which, due to the centralised nature of Mongol military planning, stretched all the way back to the middle of the empire at Karakorum. This supply chain also required man and horsepower, which depleted the fighting strength of the army at its point of pressure.
Building on this set of logistical complexities, succession rites required the return of all Mongol high-ranking society members to Karakorum on the death of an imperial noble or high tribal landowner in order to sit in council to pronounce on succession. This role could not be deputised and therefore many of the leading lights of the Mongol fighting forces, along with their retinues who were loyal to them and not the broader imperial cause, could be recalled at any time for an unimpeachable reason. This is part of what prevented the Mongol conquest of Hungary and Austria, as a force depleted by its leaders and their contributions to its fighting power was not capable of the cohesion and strength necessary to fight at such a remove from home.
As a consequence, upon knocking on the door of the Good Ship in Kilburn the imperial armies faced many factors which would have acted to prevent their successful conquest of the territory when met with resistance from its inhabitants, and as such it is another example of the structural and logistical frailties that prevented the further expansion of a truly singular empire that otherwise represents one of history’s most successful and least-understood (to Western scholars) military endeavours, stretching over nearly a millennium and influencing some of the world’s major cultures. Just not that of the Good Ship, Kilburn.
Everyone thinks we’re dry and serious because they’re too dumb and lazy to get our sick jokes.
(although, honestly, I really identify more with my rising Leo )