#165

I don’t like ordering the same meal as anyone else I’m sitting with so I have to wait until last.

Wor Lass orders exactly the same food as me to annoy me sometimes.

1 Like
#166

misread that as ‘I don’t like ordering a meal with anyone else I’m sitting with’.

imagining the bizarre behavior of someone who can’t order food at the same table as everyone else and has to do it discreetly at the bar or whatever has tickled me.

4 Likes
#167

Is that more or less annoying than “I’m too full for dessert, you have one though… ~dessert arrives~ …can we get a second spoon?”

#168

I’m too sweet* for dessert.

*diabetic

1 Like
#169

You don’t know what you want yet, this is busybodying.

#170

(unless you’re like Ant and fear change more than being underwhelmed)

#171

im in!

#172

I’m absolutely a fan of this. Distracts from my rampant alcoholism and the usual disapproving looks from work colleagues/family members when I top up my empty glass before they have even had a sip.

#173

You wouldn’t need to taste a wine to tell it had been corked. A sniff would do the job. People only give wine a taste when offered in that situation because both customers and waiting staff alike have no fucking idea what that “tradition” is actually for.

1 Like
#174

Where’s the ‘not bothered either way’ option, mate?

#175

The answer to this is that it’s my wife’s thing really to look up places to eat out. This is partly because I am the sort of person who could happily eat the same meal 7 days running if needs be. I mean I do LIKE food but I am also practical.

However, because I’m a vegetarian I always have to look at the menu to make sure I am happy with whatever lame-ass default shit they have on the menu. Luckily I always am because, see above.

#176

liked this post but had to unlike it when i saw what you said about mint sauce

1 Like
#177

Man you are making my toddler seem not fussy with food! :wink:

But I am not really against you asking for specific extras not to be on the food. I note more places these days tend to do things on the side I guess for that specific reason. Personally I don’t like raw onion in things. But I would never bother to say that, I just pick it out of the salads or pull it off the burger before I eat.

However, this obsession with giving everyone onion breath as oppose to just using a relish is why I’ve not been able to eat a cheddar cheese based sandwich from Pret for probably a decade. They seem to think cheddar cheese without a raw red onion on it is a mistake. FUCK THEM. (They also put them in their falafel wrap. Fuck them.)

#178

used to get a cheese and bacon turnover everyday at clapham junction, then one day they started using their cheese and onion turnover as the base, presumably to simplify and save money but in doing so permanently lost my custom

1 Like
#179

Actual tears laughing at this reply, haven’t laughed so much in a while, feels good.

#180

“Can I get you some still or sparkling water?”

  • “No thank you, no water for us tonight please”
  • “Yes please, could I get a mix of the two?”
  • “Yes please, still.”
  • “Yes please, sparkling.”
  • Look at other diners pleadingly, wanting them to answer instead of you
  • “Just scoop some water out the toilet and put it in a bottle please. That won’t show up on the bill, yeah?”
  • “No thanks, but I will have some booze lol”

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#181

They bring you a basket of bread rolls. What do you do with it?

  • Gluten? No thank you.
  • "Excuse me, would it be a problem to get some gluten free bread instead of this?
  • Eat as much as you can so you can get at least one basket refill in each time the waiting staff revisit your table.
  • Divide the amount of bread by the people you’re with, take your ‘portion’ eat it at a steady pace through the meal.
  • Take a piece, butter it, then take a bite and leave it.
  • Only take some if you end up ordering something like soup and then dip it in the soup like a monster.
  • Put it all in a plastic carrier bag you’ve brought with you to enjoy at a later date.
  • Eat just one piece while it’s still warm.
  • Eat just one piece when it’s cooled a bit, knowing that warm bread is bad for the digestive system.
  • Take a piece, never eat it, but never let the waiting staff take it away, leaving it at your side right up until you’ve paid the bill, just in case.

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#182

There’s a big fancy cotton napkin on the table in front of you as you sit down. What do you do with it?

  • Sit down and stare pleadingly at the staff to try and get them to do something about it.
  • Tuck it into your collar to wear as a makeshift bib.
  • Fold it neatly across your lap despite the fact that any dropped food will land on your torso thus rendering it pointless.
  • Move it to the side of your knife and fork and pretend it’s not there.
  • Scrumple it up into a ball and throw it on the floor.
  • Ask the waiting staff to take it away.
  • Put it in a plastic shopping bag you’ve brought with you to use at a later date.
  • Fold it up, put it to the side and then only use when eating something that may make you a bit messy (e.g. prawns) or to wipe your mouth after finishing a course.

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#183

The bill has arrived.

  • “This one’s on me guys.” Pay the entire thing.
  • “Get your calculator app out and divide the total by the number of diners including a fixed tip amount (e.g. 10%) and demand everyone pay their allocated amount”
  • “Get your calculator app out and divide the total by the number of diners excluding a fixed tip amount (e.g. 10%) and demand everyone pay their allocated amount. Hope that everyone tips appropriately”
  • Pull out your laptop, open Excel and make a spreadsheet tracking who exactly ate what and working out their exact proportion of the bill to pay, including those “two bites” Arthur had of Macy’s pavlova in Arthur’s bill as a fraction of the total pavlova cost
  • Chuck a tenner on the table as you know that everyone will end up overpaying a bit and that you’ll probably get away with being able to underpay.
  • Say and do nothing and let someone else work it out then complain about their choice if you don’t like it.
  • Say and do nothing and let someone else work it out then go along with their choice even if you don’t like it.
  • Apologise to everyone and say you can’t believe it but you’ve forgotten your wallet again and that you’re such an idiot.

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#184

This lacks for my answer which is:
Fight the urge to pig out on it because this will result in me being too full for my meal