Good anecdotes


#1

Give me some good anecdotes to cheer my friday

Friend of a friend, was out and about in Loughborough and met a wonderful woman who took him back to her flat. They were pissed, and after all the sex he pointed out that he needed to get up and leave early (like 6am) to finish some work. She said fine, call me, and then said something else about waking up early that as he awoke he couldn’t quite remember. He was on cloud 9, such was her excellentness.

Anyway, gets up at 6, tiptoes to the bathroom so as not to awake the various housemates. Goes for a crap. And then remembers the ‘something else’ just as he tries to flush the toilet. Which won’t flush.

Massive crap in the toilet. Worst. He has to leave fast, too. Panics. Tiptoes quickly to the kitchen, gets a tescos bag, tiptoes back up. Turns bag inside out and tries not to think about it as he wrestles a large wet crap into it. Humbling yes, but disaster averted.

Tiptoes back down stairs terrified of encountering an awoken housemate while carrying aforementioned sodden poo bag. Somehow luck is on his side. He extremely quietly puts on his coat, his trainers, checks he’s got his phone, his keys, his wallet, his rucksack. Slips out the door into the cool morning air, closing it behind him.

Just as the Yale clicks shut, he realises he’s not holding the bag anymore :’(


#2

NO!
this is beautiful


#3

but also wtf was he thinking


#4

i understand the basic logic. don’t want to be the guy who left a massive crap after being told not to. so close to actually getting away with it :’(


#5

Honestly think I’d have left the shit in there. You’re opening yourself up to a world of trouble by getting it into a plastic bag…at least the trouble is known (and kinda contained) in the bowl.

Does that make me a bad person? idk


#6

Only one thing for it.

Put yourself in this dude’s shoes. Do you:

  • take the turd out with a bag
  • leave the turd in the toilet
  • other (specify? maybe don’t specify. maybe that’s gross)

0 voters


#7

When I was on my placement, it was a particularly sunny Sunday and me and my housemates were sitting in the back garden. Since I usually found an excuse to get someone else to do it, I said I’d make the teas while everyone else could relax. Everyone said thanks and I got to work making the teas. Once done, I brought the first two out for Chris & Gunter, then went back inside to get Pete’s one. Then I had an idea that became too amazing not to take advantage of. So as I got outside, with Pete sitting up to take his cup, I just launched the cup against the wall full pelt smashing it into pieces.

We couldn’t stop laughing for so long, I had tears of laughter streaming down my face, and no-one seemed that bothered that we now had one less cup. Once I got my breath back, I apologised to Pete, and told him I’d make it up to him with another. I went back inside, made him another cup of tea, and then proceeded to do the exact same thing again, smashing the second cup against the wall, struggling to breathe with laughter after it was done.

Happy memories of that day.


#8

:smiley: this has echoes of epimer tormenting his mrs by throwing her clothes down the stairs, apologising, gathering them back up, and repeating.


#9

there was a similar story a while back iirc about a lass having the same predicament, trying to get it out the window, and it falling between the two panes of the sash window :’(


#10

Comfortably the funniest thing that has ever happened anywhere throughout human history.


#11

I remember that! Completely and utterly insane behaviour.


#12

just wonderfully increasing fuckup beyond any compare


#13

It’s perfect. Absolutely perfect.


#14

There’s something really brilliant about stories where people really double down on an already-awful fuckup :smiley:


#15

just panic sets in i guess and then you dont stop to question the maddened ideas your brain is coming up with


#16

So good. Every element of the escalation just exists in this panicked logic-free mindset that leads each decision to make perfect sense but also absolutely no sense whatsoever.


#17

This is an insanely good bit mate.

Unconscionably wasteful but undeniably hilarious.


#18

Got a good one from a Penge CC member.

A bunch of us (like, 50) went over to Belgium to do a silly bike ride earlier in the year. We all had our Penge CC jerseys for the occasion but this lad also had a new jersey that his kids bought him as a present for the ride, which he wore at the start of the event. His Penge jersey was in his pocket for later. About halfway round he goes for a shit in a portaloo and while he’s perched over a lot of shit he feels something fall from his pocket. When he gets up he realises he’s just dropped his Penge jersey into the huge pile of shit below. He fishes it out, covered in poo, and goes to the taps to rinse it off. Then he put it on and stank like shit for the rest of the ride :smiley:


#19

i do remember years back in cambridge on a night out with workmates. wanted a kebab REALLY badly. everyone was just fucking bitching at me about making them wait in this huge queue. Took ages and they wouldn’t fucking shut up about how shit it was that they had to wait for me before they got a taxi blah blah fucking blah.

So got all the way there. Got my kebab. Paid. Walked over to my pals and just threw it in the air, letting the meat and lettuce and sauce cascade around their stupid angry faces.


#20

:smiley: just why