Good small talk lines for work


I’ve got one about how mice and rats are like Pret A Manger - you’re never too far away from one.

Comes up often and always goes down okay.

Please share yours and help me.


“How are you?”
“Oh you know, it’s Monday”
“Yeah… Haha”

Works for Friday as well.


Hot today isn’t it.


on Thursday - ‘Don’t worry its nearly the weekend hahaha’


They’re always changing stuff in my office so it’s usually along the lines of

“weird that they’ve knocked that wall down isn’t it?” followed by a “well you never know with this place!”


If somebody asks to borrow my umbrella I always give them a ‘sure, but don’t get it wet!’ and then give them at the very least a single gun, sometimes the double.


in response to ‘up to anything this weekend, mate?’

‘just thinking about you’, maybe a cheeky wink.


Did you see the game last night?


Those people on Love Island, eh?!


Another favourite is talking about how slow the WiFi is while awkwardly waiting for something to load.


You have to wind it up! Ahahahahahaha!


Hamster must have died!!!111111111


Going on a cruise this year?

(I work for a cruise line)


People now use this convention for any given day of the week now. If I ask you how you’re doing and you reply with “It’s Monday” [roll of the eyes] or “It’s Friday” [smirk] I will discern you are feeling either bad or good respectively, but what am I to discern if you reply with the name of a day that has no discernible feel?

“How’s it going?”
“It’s Tuesday”


“How are you?”
“Oh you know, it’s Monday”
“No it isn’t, it’s Friday you twat.”
“Yeah… Haha”


When someone comes in early I always ask if they have shit the bed. Guaranteed winner every time


Now I’m curious about what proportion of people who work for a cruise line go on a cruise each year.


People that work on the ships definitely do


Well that’s the factor I was angling for an answer to.


Going on a cruise this year?

(I don’t work for a cruise line)