Great comebacks (mostly as in sharp conversational replies, but all kinds of comebacks welcome)

Just watching Heartbeat at my grandma’s.

“Hey, you know that bloke? He’s your second cousin twice removed”
“The only thing you and Peggy have had removed is your brains”

(On the telly, not me talking to my gran.)

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poor Peggy

J-hohn Redcorn
P-h-h-heggy Hiiiiilll

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3-0 down at half time. Won 4-3. One of the bright spots of a very miserable season.

“You’ll take my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers”
“Your proposal is acceptable”

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pcbe

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that person was not very happy with me

Oh man this is brilliant