#101
2 Likes
#102

1/3rd stronger but also smaller so it pretty much evens out, depending of the relative size of the human/chimp. There’s a bit of luck involved - if you get drawn against an absolute unit of a chimp you’re in trouble.

1 Like
#103

If you can tape/tie its gob shut they’re relatively helpless as the muscles for opening their mouth are pretty weak. How you’d manage to do that without at least losing an arm, I don’t know.

2 Likes
#104

simply grab its tail and spin around really fast, then throw it

17 Likes
#105

Possibly, but then again this might be the thing that solidifies my reputation as the bad boy of ambient*.

*no one look into this, it’s definitely a thing, you can totally trust me

1 Like
#106
2 Likes
#107

If we’re 1/3 weaker then they’re 50% stronger

Apparently a chimp weighs 32-60kg so a big chimp would be bigger than me. I reckon most chimps are in better shape than me too.

1 Like
#108

Reckon I could take him out no bother.
It’s not the size of the man in the fight mate,
Its the size of the fight in the man!

#109

I won’t bother you with follow up questions so I am going to believe you defeated Wolf and answered the questions too.

1 Like
#110

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Alright I’m willing to concede the chimp would definitely beat me at a maths quiz.

7 Likes
#111

Approach from behind, get on its back, get the mouth secured shut then it’s simply a case of waiting for it to starve. It’s not what the fans paid to see, but this is survival, not showbusiness.

6 Likes
#112

I would recommend taking on a less obvious creature, to appeal to the sort of fans you’re after

might I recommend a gharial?

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turn it over and deliver a series of punishing elbow drops

4 Likes
#113

Thing is, a lot of that strength is gonna be in their grip. And they can use their feet like hands. The second they’re on you, it’s over.

#114

Here I am trying to act all macho when I can’t even enter an animal fighting competition without getting drafted into the Hipster Animal Division.

2 Likes
#115

It’s the bits between “approach from behind” and “get on its back”, and between “get on its back” and “get the mouth secured shut” that concern me the most. I’m with you on “wait for it to starve” but I will add that cold blooded animals don’t need to eat anywhere near as often as mammals, so you might have quite a wait

2 Likes
#116

So long as you’re not in the water, you stand a reasonable chance I reckon. Perhaps a cold day would be helpful too.

1 Like
#117

Once got merked by a parrotfish in the Maldives, but I’ve been training ever since and reckon I could take an elephant on now, no sweat

3 Likes
#118

I worry there are already a few animal loving DiSers who aren’t enjoying all these posts about hypothetical animal assault so I’ll spare them the specifics of how I’d plan to wreck a chimp. But I’ve got a strategy planned out.

#119

That’s a majestic opening to a post that is. Sit back and drink that one in.

5 Likes
#120

I feel like the important thing will be to commit to your course of action. Like if you’re planning on going loud and aggressive, then don’t hold back, don’t lose your nerve. Earn the respect. There’s going to be a time, probably only seconds in, when you feel like you’ve made a terrible mistake - you have to power through that part.