YOU ARE HAMPSHIRE
You are two mediocre football teams who hate each other. You are the New Forest, which, to be fair, is quite nice. Are you the Isle Of Wight? Technically, I think so. You are a whole bunch of towns like Fleet and Aldershot and Farnham and Farnborough. You are Portchester Castle. You are sandwiched between Dorset and Sussex and might well be a Fiendish Single on AQOS if the question was “A county on the south coast of England”. You are Fred Dinenage presenting the news. You are not an island. Except for the Isle of Wight.