Handshakes

For those that don’t know, a handshake is a globally widespread, brief greeting or parting tradition in which two people grasp one of each other’s like hands, in most cases accompanied by a brief up-and-down movement of the grasped hands.

I don’t think I’m a ‘handshake guy’. I’m more into waves. I had a formal meeting yesterday and deep down I knew I should’ve concluded it by initiating a handshake, but I didn’t. My manager had to flamboyantly raise his hand to indicate that we did need to shake in this situation.

Despite that, when I do actually get involved in a shake I think I do a good one. I have a handshake that simultaneously conveys assertiveness and affability. Not too hard, not too soft. Just right.

We won a trip on an American-owned cruise ship around the Med a few years ago. I was struck by how contact-phobic the US crewmen were.

In particular there was a little desk near the shops where you could book discounted future cruises and there was a brass plaque on the desk which said something like ‘Touching elbows is more hygenic and just as satisfying as a handshake’.

???

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Really funny when you run into someone whose handshake is far, far too firm. The fuck are you trying to prove, pal.

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Just the most uncomfortable thing

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I’m a big fan of being held by the elbows for much longer than a British person is comfortable with, which seems to be something my Spanish friends do long after they’ve pulled you in for a kiss.

It feels like something a granny would do who really really loves you. Let’s all do some elbow grabbing.

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I only do fist bumps :facepunch:

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Once ended up kissing someone’s ear because I wasn’t coordinated enough

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I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but in the climbing world, you traditionally ‘fist-bump’ out of respect for the mutually painful state of your skin on the palms and fingers. Of course, some folks still favour the classic ‘shake’. This often leads to the equivalent of two people walking towards each other an both stepping to the same side to get out of the way, with each climber rapidly switching between fist and shake until one you of shakes the other’s fist.

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I put my hand in at an angle so that people can choose whether to go for a hand shake or a predator. I mainly do this after football matches

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Someone from school I unfortunately bumped into at the pub once gave me such a strong handshake that he clenched his jaw whilst doing so and it made me openly laugh in his silly face.

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Once had a very nervous lad in for interview who gripped my colleagues hand so firmly that she had to ice it afterwards.

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Hate the right hand bias of handshakes.

I have taken to using handshakes to make deals with R though and that is working well to get him to do stuff. Sometimes.

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Hard handshakes are funny. Limp ones are gross.

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J thinks handshakes have to be hearty and solemn in manner (thorough training plan on my part) to the point that when he was a mascot on Saturday at Hendon, he went down the line of Staines players shaking their hands with the most enormous frown plastered onto his brow.

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We had a rep visiting at work like this. He had a proper bone-crunching hand-shake. Really hurt my hand. One day I will get my revenge

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A what now?

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What’s up unlucky? CIA got you pushing too many pencils?

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I do like the occasional predator - very good for conveying that you’re a cool dude who doesn’t care for the formalities and conventions of a normal handshake.

Can add a tap on the shoulder with your left hand as a real power move, too

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