(An electronic recording of the birthday song warbles away on a broken reel to reel tape. Try as you might, you cannot find the playback device anywhere in this derelict multi-storey car park. You look out at the boarded up shops down below, mustering up memories of the once bustling city centre. You take a bite of cake)
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Bought a bunch earlier but aware Iām in the iomā¦ If you need more postage let me know
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Happy birthday, Em! 
xxx
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In an extremely Scarfolk like occurrence, I got poisoned by my own birthday cake. Iām badly allergic to an obscure preservative that mostly turns up in drinks, not cakes. My mum sent me a cake via an online service, not realising the cake was drenched in this preservative to make it post better. I ate one slice on Sunday, had a severe allergic reaction and nearly had to go to hospital, and am still puffed up like a balloon two days later.
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I checked and itās the same price as the rest of UK- I need to double check if I need to fill out the new customs sticker however
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Fark! That is truly scary. Glad youāre okay (and the hospital could even treat you with all the Covid cases).
I didnāt end up going to hospital in the end, got it under control with an asthma inhaler and anti-histamines at home thankfully.
Ironically, the thing that Iām so extremely allergic to is the preservative used in Epi Pens (and some local anaesthetics that also have adrenaline in), so I donāt have one.
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Happy birthday (for yesterday), you have the same birthday as a friend of mine