A tricky one really. It’s certainly not for me or any other person to tell you how you should or shouldn’t respond.
Lines are certainly blurred - partly as people are processing things and learning, but also because others are acting more in the way @safebruv alludes to (that Newsnight special stands out as a good example with men conflating saying “Hi” to someone with abuse using words on the lines of “you can’t do anything now without risking accusations of abuse…”) - again, abuse and harrassment aren’t the same things, and behaving like a polite courteous human towards others would protect you from virtually all accusations of harassment too (you know this, obviously!) The thing I’ve come to realised (and much of what I think I was trying to get at above) is that while the most egregious stuff perpetrated by Spacey, Weinstein, Lacey and so on is not comparable to much of the stuff that I see day to day, it doesn’t happen in a vacuum either and so I have to look closer to home as well.
I don’t think it’s for anyone to necessarily to question others without evidence - if you’ve never seen anything to lead you to believe your Dad or boyfriend may have done or said things they probably shouldn’t, then there’s absolutely no reason to question it; just because many (possibly most) of us have it doesn’t mean we all did. It’s also not for any of us to necessarily think worse of people who have done smaller things but since learnt and changed (although that would be a fair response if that were how you did feel).
I do think though it’s for us to look inside ourselves and contribute better to bringing about some of the changes in society that we’ve sorely needed for a long, long time. I can’t do much about many of the abuses that have been in the news over the last month or two, but I can certainly do something small about the culture that validates that behaviour by not contributing further and not looking the other way in future when I do see something dodgy happening.
If you feel able to help someone with doing some of that introspection then that’s great, but it’s absolutely not your duty to do or feel anything specific about any of this - more or less any response is valid.
As usual - happy for others to challenge anything I’ve written, it’s all fairly unprocessed thoughts at this stage.