Have you ever had to be helped out of an embarrassing situation?

Richie_Ronco · 2017-12-08T13:23:06.251Z

ha thanks !

anon5266188 · 2017-12-08T13:24:35.274Z

This is one of the funniest things I’ve read in this calendar year

CHAIRMAN_LMAO · 2017-12-08T14:09:15.413Z

A friend of mine went camping with his family. Nipped out for a dump in the morning, and was left with a load of shitty toilet paper that he didn’t want to carry back to his tent. He chucked a bit over a fence, and a donkey wandered over and ate it.

Unbeknownst to him, his wife had wandered over the same area, and she stood there completely disgusted, watching as he fed the rest of his bog roll to the donkey.

Kallgeese · 2017-12-08T17:24:31.828Z

Snorting laughing at this image.

colon_closed_bracket · 2017-12-08T17:28:39.321Z

Speaking as a parent…

I really hope I never shit myself in front of my children.

gonad · 2017-12-08T17:57:08.100Z

I’ve been called mum more often than dad by the kids in my class, think it’s just a tired thing tbh

bugduv · 2017-12-08T18:09:32.205Z

I’m struggling with someone being able to send quite a lengthy text whilst stewing in their own shite. Surely the natural reaction would have been to run away, or boot the other lad out and drive off?

gonad · 2017-12-08T19:21:24.596Z

The tone of this one is a bit off imo

anon5266188 · 2017-12-08T19:51:03.497Z

meowington:

I shat myself driving us home after eating a dodgy croque madame at Cafe Rouge.

In love with this sentence.

iamwiggy · 2017-12-08T19:53:12.533Z

it’s proper #accidentalpartridge innit

Twinkletoes · 2017-12-08T19:56:22.504Z

‘big big fat guy’ is not relevant to the story and flies in the face of recent threads of posititivity

jont2001 · 2017-12-08T20:28:33.197Z

When I was a kid (maybe 6?) I was at primary school and ate a load of string. The next day I was in school and went to the toilet and did a poo but it was all mixed in with string so basically hanging out of me like a yo-yo. Kept pulling at the string but I must have eaten a good couple of metres. Back then I seem to remember there being a lady who’s job was to escort kids to the loo and I had to ask her for help. She came in to the cubicle with some latex gloves on and was just like WTF seeing me pulling this string out of my arse in sheer panic.

Feel like somewhere there’s a TA who’s been dining out on this story for 25 years

p_a_u_l · 2017-12-08T20:44:50.895Z

faeces fable #463
When I was young (between 7 and 9 i’d say) I got caught short whilst playing out in the street and I had to shit in a bush down the side of a neighbours house by their back gate/alley. My friend kept look out and passed me leaves to wipe my arse with and to hide the evidence afterwards. We carried on playing and (I think) I got away with it.

Bamnan · 2017-12-08T20:49:35.352Z

christ!

grievoustim · 2017-12-08T21:27:31.351Z

Why did you eat 2 metres of string ?

whiterussian · 2017-12-08T21:31:22.278Z

This is one of the best stories I have ever heard in my life.

blind_pilot · 2017-12-08T22:19:46.657Z

jont2001:

did a poo but it was all mixed in with string so basically hanging out of me like a yo-yo.

Holy fuck. In a thread (string?) of great quotes, that is the one that has absolutely done me.

Im_On_Safari · 2017-12-08T22:41:45.907Z

jont2001:

When I was a kid (maybe 6?) I was at primary school and ate a load of string.

You know this story is only going to be great with that start.

jont2001 · 2017-12-09T14:01:36.235Z

Playing the shopping game with my son

image866×1154 319 KB

anon24684334 · 2017-12-15T16:48:27.892Z

japes:

the janny greased me up and pushed me out

#Yewtree