#241

Anyone not having kids worried about how things will be when we are super old and frail, friends dead or in bad shape, no one to visit or help with hospital visits etc

#242

Nah. Everyone dies alone, one way or another.

Plus that always seemed like the most selfish reason of all to have kids, to me.

1 Like
#243

Yeah definitely not a good reason, but definitely a concern especially as longer life expectancy means a slow decline is more likely

#244

Itā€™s a risk Iā€™m willing to take to not have to spend several years of my life watching Bing and Mr Maker.

1 Like
#245

Absolutely spot on. EVery post.

#246

It really bothers me the way people pester women and couples about when theyā€™re going to start a family.

We really need to move away from all these default notions.

#247

You will be the last of the Epimers you will be doing the world a disservice not passing down wit like this and your penoid card skills!

#248

Iā€™ve got a niece. The legacy will live on through her.

#249

Trying to do my middling impersonation of a reliable and organised person at mo as my wife has just found out she is expecting, really early on but also feels like barely any time to sort everything out. Both in our early 30s and had been trying for just over a year - have got the normal concerns over state of our finances and other things, though impression so far is that a lot of it comes down to ignoring some of the ridiculous expectations of stuff that needs to be provided for children which Iā€™m not sure was the case for my parents (that or I am obviously going be a terrible father)

4 Likes
#250

Best case scenario is that I manage to be this guy

#251

congratulations! I would imagine these are natural concerns and if anything one of the signs of a good parent!

1 Like
#252

Thank you JM, though I do also worry that I will end up accidentally sitting on it at some point

#254

Thankfully my parents havenā€™t pushed me much. My brother has a kid, the other one is gay and I am heavily invested in cats.

So my dad has made a few comments about the family line to me but thatā€™s it. All my mum ever wanted was for me to be happy.

A friend of mine was literally harassed at every family occasion she went to. Loads of pointed comments to her and her husband and people nagging them. In the end she got pregnant and lost it which was terrible. I am not sure if she still gets harassed as much. (You would like to hope not!)

#255

still absolutely cannot imagine myself as a mother and every time i think about young kids and parenting and everything associated with children i just feel profound exhaustion. even all the ā€œfunā€ ā€œfamilyā€ stuff is quite unappealing, find everything about kidsā€™ toys and kidsā€™ tv and kidsā€™ games incredibly tedious and irritating because i am a joyless cunt. still have this vague feeling that at some point iā€™m gonna end up with someone who wants kids and just be like ā€œah sure why notā€ (as long as theyā€™re up for doing most of the childcare) but donā€™t think iā€™ll be particularly sad if it doesnā€™t happen

i do like the idea of having grown up kids to hang out with and to look after me when iā€™m decrepit, wish you could just skip the whole childhood stage

2 Likes
#256

the downside is that both of my sisters seem to have pretty similar views so iā€™m probably not even getting any nieces or nephews and my mum is gonna be well gutted

#257

I think precious metals are more traditional, but itā€™s your life.

1 Like
#258

I think you can make more money in metals, but they are less affectionate.

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#259

i think people who dismiss the ā€œdonā€™t want to bring kids into this worldā€ line of thinking donā€™t actually consider the fact that these people might be saying that because theyā€™re not financially in a position to bring kids up and may never be? or mentally/physically able to look after themselves in their current situation? they also might not at all have a support network to help out (things like access to free childcare donā€™t necessarily make things easier - you have to be able to drop your kids off and pick them up, pay for travel etc.), might have degenerating diseases or carry hereditary conditions. any combination of time, community resources and even nearby family and friends are invaluable, as are understanding/flexible working conditions, and some people donā€™t have that.

growing up surrounded like poverty, seeing people completely struggling and on the bones of their arse and having no choice but to do the most they can to bring their kids up was normalised, but i donā€™t think iā€™d ever be strong enough to do that.

kids fucking love me. spent my entire life being told iā€™m amazing with kids and definitely should be a mam or a primary school teacher. a lady i used to childmind for told me to get pregnant asap because the hormones would get rid of my rheumatoid arthritis (not going to re-grow eroded joints, is it?)

my family have all assumed that iā€™ll never bring kids into this world, i very much doubt iā€™d ever be in the position to comfortably bring a child into this world but iā€™m not 100% ruling it out. dunno if iā€™m fertile, much more likely to miscarry due to a number of health issues. a pal with autoimmune diseases, endo and pcos is pregnant again and further along than she ever has been before. really hope everything goes well for her and i can make her baby stuff.

also, itā€™s not a thing that some people can ā€˜just doā€™ - my mamā€™s friend had thirteen miscarriages until she conceived with ivf and, i canā€™t imagine being strong enough to go through that trauma over and over again. one of my second cousins also spent well over fifteen years of her life on a quest to get pregnant.

3 Likes
#260

Mate of mineā€™s wife basically has a kids or bust logic. Sheā€™s only got two life goals - to marry and to have kids. Nothing else. Couple of years ago she got pregnant and miscarried very early on and she basically crumbled. Took her a year to recover from the depression etc. and worrying about not being able to have children and all that. It basically paralysed her.

Sheā€™s pregnant again now and all looks good so far. Absolutely delighted for them both. Although I canā€™t imagine the living of oneā€™s life on the idea of having children or nothing, given that itā€™s such a biological lottery with so many variables attached. All looks ok at the moment though so fingers crossed.

#262

Thatā€™s your own prejudice of what is interesting and what is boring and how you relate to it.