Having kids

In a couple of months when I’m sleep deprived and haven’t seen my friends or done anything for myself in weeks, I may regret all this, but I trust the dadsnetters and all the middle class parents I see mooching around Brockley with their Bugaboos and having a pint, they seem to be having a fine old time of it.

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Enjoyed both these posts a lot.

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Yeah it’s that last sentence that scares me a bit :frowning: what if at some stage it changes and I’m all “whhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy”

Anyway I’m hungover and I’m gonna leave the thread now

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Never wanted them really. Got hormonal, wanted one, had one. Get guilt about the future for her and overpopulation etc but she’s awesome and despite being single I do as much as before if not more. It’s also massively helped my depression.

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There was definitely a stage in my life where I didn’t want kids. I remember some really good friends of ours announcing that they were having kids, and being a bit gutted about it, because I knew that it would separate us from them. Of course you can make friends with people who have children, and of course people who have children can make friends with people who don’t, but there was something about being the ones without kids that was uncomfortable for a while.

When we got to the stage where my wife and I were discussing the possibility of having kids, I guess there a part of me that really wasn’t 100% sure. It almost felt as if I was being carried along in a wave of other people’s willingness for us to have kids - all those relatives and friends who were already knee-deep in nappies, plus parents and in-laws who wanted grandchildren.

Nevertheless, I think I was pretty excited about the prospect of being a dad. And although it took me a long time to get my head round the role (and deal with the weight of responsibility), I’m really, really glad I have my two girls in my life.

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You seem like an absolute top Dad ccb. I’ve taken so much of your advice on board when I’ve seen you talk about this to other people before, especially what you’ve said about the change of relationship dynamic with Mrs ccb and that it’s returning to how it used to be. Think that’s what I’m scared about most, I just want to continue hanging out with my wife but I know it won’t be like that if we have children.

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Yeah in regards to the friends bit as soon as I got pregnant they all vanished. I was cheated on, made homeless, facing up to being a single parent, gave birth to a fucking human alone, and not had a visit or phone call through all of that from 99% of them. I made new friends but I don’t get it. I have the same social life as before and I’ve not alienated myself from them but I guess they’re not good friends!

Lovely posts on here, all. Myself, I have never ever wanted them. Love my nieces and nephews, love taking them round London, going to shows, the cinema etc. – then absolutely love handing them back at the end of the day when I am shattered and questioning how people can do this every day.

Also I am incredibly selfish.

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I can imagine a life with them, and I can imagine a life without them. Current situation is that my wife 100% does not want children and I am fine with that.

I also think it’s best that I don’t become a father. I think I’d be bad, on balance, at it. If I did it and was bad at it then it would fuck me up for life.

Ah thank you… I just wanted to reassure people on here that this sort of thing is normal. I don’t feel like I deserve the praise as I’ve made some massive fuck-ups… but then I guess it might be of some comfort to others that things are fixable. Thanks!

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Also economics is a really strong driver for me in thinking I shouldn’t have children, sad as that is. House-buying and that. It’s all so very bleak.

My relationship with my wife hasn’t changed. Maybe the first few months when we were going crazy through tiredness… so it isn’t always the case. Obviously our life is totally different but not the relationship.

I guess having children is an irreversible, things will never be the same again BIG THING. I totally get why some people don’t want to choose that path and that’s how I felt until I was maybe late 20s or so. My girlfriend/wife and I had often spoke about it. Like it was something we knew we both wanted, but were not ready to make that commitment (and it’s a fucking massive commitment).

Having a child now is amazing and I’m really glad it’s happened. It’s tough no doubt and you lose some pretty sweet freedoms once that little person comes along, but it’s all worth it. Great times, just going out and about together. It’s hard to describe, but a beautiful thing.

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[quote=“hip_young_gunslinger, post:21, topic:9415, full:true”]
But we want to move to the States and stuff and we can do all that with a kid too. You just deal with it. I look at someone like @Scout and I don’t want to speak for her, but it doesn’t look like baby Scout holds her back from doing awesome stuff. Your life changes, it doesn’t end.[/quote]
I think boring people use having kids as an excuse to not do things any more because they never liked doing things in the first place. This may just be wishful thinking on my part but I know some really fun parents who still do loads of stuff.

Yeah, don’t we have a problem with ageing populations in the West? We need some new young people to wipe our arses because the robots aren’t up to scratch yet and immigrants are banned.

I’ve always wanted kids, but I’m only now (30yo) in a position where actually having them doesn’t seem massively fucking scary. I don’t think I’ll ever be 100% ready but I’ll just deal with it. I do worry about bringing innocent people into a horrible world that shows little sign of improving, but, I dunno, it might all be OK. At least I’ll be in a good position to equip them with the skills necessary to make a good go of it.

Aw yeah, it was horrible to hear of what you went through. I should have added really that the “pre-children” me was probably acting partly out of selfishness (why can’t these guys just drop everything and come to the pub any more?) and partly out of self-pity (I’m in a crap job and I feel totally unprepared for parenthood). But we ended up remaining friends with these people in the end; it took a change of attitude on my part. If your friends aren’t prepared to adjust then they’re not good friends at all.

I hope you don’t mind me saying but I think you come across as an absolutely fantastic mum on here.

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What’s your kid’s favourite toast topping?

Mine likes either just butter or nutella (or cheese on toast but I don’t think that counts).

Thank you. I enjoy it so it makes it easy :blush:

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Probably Marmite, though jam has increased in popularity recently. Likes to spread it herself, generally does a pretty poor job of it.

@iamwiggy I have exactly the same feelings and I’m the same age as you.

I get why parents say it’s hard but worth it, and I’m sure if I did end up having them I wouldn’t regret it for a minute, but I feel like I’d lose so much if I did. I’m freelance, work from home and a woman, while my husband has a normal job that pays a bit more than my freelance work, and I know that even though he would want to and try to do as much as possible, it’d be me having to put my career on hold and me doing most of the child-rearing for sure. Not ready for that and he understands.

We agreed that neither of us wanted kids but that our feelings might change, but I worry sometimes that mine won’t change and his will, or vice versa.

We’ve never offered the option of self spreading - he’s too short for the counter!

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