Basically background to this- Sofia Vergara went out with this guy, they had IVF treatment and ended up with two embryos ready to go. Then the couple split up, and a few years down the line she married someone else. Now the ex keeps suing her that he should be allowed to put the embryos into a surrogate mother, as a creepy control thing.
My stock answer was “I don’t want them now, but who knows about the in the future” but it’s ringing increasingly hollow. Ended a relationship because of it and, if I’m brutally honest, it feels like one of those things that’s never going to stop hurting a little bit.
Total lack of desire to ever procreate (or, for that matter, get married) is one of the things that makes me feel like I’m about 95% robot, so it’s comforting to see other people feeling the same.
Yeah, I always thought this when people went on about how it’s funny to post an ultrasound picture on someone else’s Facebook or something for a laugh (haven’t heard about it happening for a while, and I’m #notonfacebook so I don’t know if it still is a thing).
Seems a ridiculously thoughtless thing to do when you don’t know the private lives of other people.
The older I get the less new experiences there are to enjoy and the experience’s I did enjoy I enjoy less. It would be great to have a little nipster to introduce to new stuff and see them experience the world through fresh eyes
I’m very fortunate in having made clear in every relationship I’ve had and to my family that I would not be having children. It’s never been a problem in relationships as it’s just another one of those crucial mutual interests that you work out around when you first meet to see how compatible you are. Family I’ve been lucky with, but my partner’s Italian, Roman Catholic family have been a little bit more persistent with her and ignoring her views. The majority of my friends are also committedly childless as well, so its nice to know that I won’t be the only old folk without kids.
Concerning vasectomy/hysterectomy, both my partner and I have enquired a few times to GPs about going down this route, I’ve always had a very proper “We don’t tend to do that type of procedure on people of your age unless there’s a medical reason”, whereas she always receives a very patronising “Awwwww you’re still young, give it time! You work with children, you’ll be a great mother” type response. Very frustrating.
For those people that don’t want them because the world’s a terrible place I say stick to your guns because their innocence when you watch them toddling around will absolutely crush you. I’ve always wanted them but that bittersweet feeling when you see that beautiful innocence and part of you wants them to have it forever and another part of knows that something in this world is going to destroy it and probably has to because otherwise they’ll never survive is almost unbearable!
Sorry, depressing I know. It’s only momentary though the rest of the time you don’t really have time to contemplate over anything anymore!
Moreorless knew I wanted kids, I wanted 4 , Mr S wanted 0 but conceded that he would agree with me because otherwise we’d have split up over it…so we’ve compromised at 2. Had them at 27 and 29 which didn’t feel particularly young and I made a lot of friends who were similar ages at baby groups etc
Best thing I ever did, he’d agree
yep we don’t go long haul holidaying or have much money but our consideration was we can do all that in a few years when kids are independent and take them with us…unfortunately we now have the problem of being in the sandwich type generation and having my father-in-law so dependent on us that we can’t leave for any length of time beyond 1 or 2 nights so there’s that…
We had our daughter when my wife was 25 and I was 27, nearly three years ago. We were completely unprepared - no financial security, mental health issues all over the place, my job was really insecure and we live a long way from our families. Our friends at the time all disappeared and I lost my job almost immediately after she was born.
She is hands down the best thing that has ever happened to either of us. Having her forced us to shape up and sort out loads of difficult stuff. I love being a parent more than anything else, and being part of her learning and growing is amazing. Kids can make you see everything in a new light, even if you do have to watch an insane amount of Paw Patrol, not sleep and worry about everything from choking hazards to the apocalypse.
Absolutely 1000% this. We’re in an identical situation. London’s such a grim place to raise kids, and i don’t just mean financially, just generally, the pace of life, the complete lack of community wherever you live, the quality of the schools - it’s just not doable. Thankfully Mrs Bugduv feels at least as strongly as i do about us having to move beforehand. The plan is to move somewhere a bit nicer and greener by the time we’re thirty (two years), we’re looking at the Lakes, and it’s just fucking mental how easy it would be for us to buy a three or four bedroomed house there in a lovely town for what a small flat here costs. I’m still trying to get my head around why everybody wouldn’t do it.