Having kids

I feel ya. My wife is applying for a job near Leeds at the moment. Crossing our fingers!

^ wants to create a tiny human in their own image as the ultimate selfless act


So they can continue to pretend to go to the theatre and galleries



Want to word this really carefully as it’s very different for everyone so apols for any offence caused for those who have suffered any form of post-natal depression or similar. But…

As an anxiety sufferer I really worried about whether or not I’d be able to cope with the responsibility not to mention the actual doing of stuff (waking up in the night, not going to bed in some instances, changing 10000000 nappies etc). Would suggest that it being on the cards contributed to my breakdown more than I’d like to admit. Now it’s a reality though I’ve found that I’m actually quite hardwired to be a parent. Yes it is life-changing and all the stuff listed and more rings true but in mine and others I’ve spoken to’s experience none of it registers as bad, you’re just stoked they’re around.

That’s not intended as a rebuttal of anyone who doesn’t want them, holy crap it’s not for everyone and it’s a totally sensible conclusion to come to. Just wanted to share my thoughts as for me, any personal neurosis has been bypassed which seemed impossible before.

Tl;Dr it ain’t as stressful as I thought it’d be.


Oh, the other thing that stops me is guilt. Look at the resentment to older generations about Brexit - “they had their cake and ate it and now they’re screwing our future” etc. Well imagine it’s not Brexit but instead the destruction of the only planet and habitat we have to live on. I’d like to look my child in the eyes and say that I wasn’t really the problem and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. But then I’ll remember the EasyJet holidays and the H&M clothing and the disposable electronics and I won’t be able to do it in good conciousness. Imagine explaining to your own child that we might be heading towards extinction, imagine showing them videos of things like Planet Earth and telling them that’s how wonderful the world was and that they’ll never get a chance to experience it because of you. Imagine telling them that you were part of a generation that was born with global warming and climate change already known and were taught about it in school. And yet you fucked it all up anyway. Maybe it makes me a coward but I’m not sure I could do it. Literally terrifies me.


Did this (Kendal). Best thing we’ve ever done. Moved up 2012, child 2014, happiness is excellent/10 2016.


Can’t believe I missed this thread during the daytime - was a BIG fan of the moker authored equivalent on the old forum. Seeing as my girlfriend is currently out at xmas drinks and the two offspring are out cold, potentially long reply incoming…

Two of my previous long term relationships (two and a half years and five years) broke up because I didn’t want kids at that time in my life. With the thinly veiled, she made it clear early on that kids were a deal breaker for her (we’re both the eldest of four coincidentally) and it got the point where it was only fair that we either went for it or split up. She actually got pregnant pretty much straight away (yeah, yeah, the thinnest of veils) which took away a lot of the stress and uncertainty in one respect - I was late 30s for both of ours being born and I’m glad now that we didn’t leave it any later. It hasn’t really changed the dynamic of our relationship particularly, it’s more that we now just additionally have extra, shared relationships which is pretty awesome. We still make sure that we make time to spend together as a couple though - in particular, still try and get to as many gigs as we can practically manage/get a babysitter for.

Maybe I’m wrong, but it certainly seems that a lot of people with children play up how difficult being a parent is these days - I don’t remember the number one discussion about kids for people my parents’ age being how hard it all was; folk just got on with it. I realise that we are lucky in that both of ours sleep well and are healthy (one of my best mates’ son is severely disabled and that has been really, really tough for them) but part of me thinks that maybe people leaving it a bit later in life and being a bit more settled/affluent has actually made the life change of having kids harder to manage maybe. On the flipside, having seen three younger siblings grow up, there is a ton more helpful baby products out there these days (how the fuck did people manage before disposable nappies and baby wipes?!?) and being able to google their symptoms when your child is ill at 3am in the morning is a godsend.

If anything, having kids has actually been easier than I was expecting and has certainly made me chill out and realise what’s important/not stress the small stuff. You do spend less money on yourself, but the upside of that is that you are spending it on someone that you love and watching them derive happiness and develop. Also, anecdotally - I get to go down a LOT of slides these days which might be considered slightly inappropriate if I didn’t have a child in tow.

Overall, I’d say that deciding to go for it was probably the best decision of my life. No matter how down I’m feeling or stressed about work or whatever, a quick scan through some photos of the children goofing around is 100% guaranteed to cheer me up all of the time. As for the uncertainty of bringing them into a horrible world, I would imagine that a fair few of us were born during the cold war when the majority of the world’s population were facing the prospect of being wiped out with three minutes warning. By many metrics, now is actually the best time in the history of humanity to be born. That said, that’s probably the one genuine downside I have found of being a parent, the worry - I don’t know if it ever goes away, but I worry about their health, them being happy, falling down the stairs, eating mud, their first day at school, stepping into traffic, whether they’ll end up supporting Millwall as it’s the closest team and I’ll have to disown them, etc, etc, etc.

Tl:dr/summary? - some motivational nonsense about breastfeeding or something…


Uh oh, replied in the wrong place…

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Kids are great

I really properly love mine like nothing else on earth - they’re awesome

some kids are shit though
don’t get shit kids

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my parents are great and i still have loads of resentments over tiny things they did, don’t think i could handle bringing up a kid that ended up as bitter and maldeveloped as me


So much love for this post

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That’s really rough! :frowning: they are rubbish friends and I hope your new ones are more caring and dependable.

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I had my son when I was only 18, and split up with his father a year later. I was a single parent for 10 years, I’ve always worked full time and had very little support from family. I found it really tough at times. My son is 16 now and the last five years have been great; got with my bf when my son was 11 and he’s become a really great dad to him. We’re getting married next year and things are good.

I really don’t think I want anymore children because it would be like starting over again, and I’m not sure I can deal with the stresses again. There is a tiny part of me that is tempted because it would be lovely to have a child(ren) in a loving, stable relationship.


Scout, I remember when all of this was happening and it was awful. You’ve always come across as an incredible person and I must say that it’s hard not to feel annoyed at your friends because of this.

I am constantly in awe of how you’ve dealt with everything that’s come your way and have no doubt that you’re an amazing parent. You’re a shining light (among many other shining lights in this thread I must say.)


I have no idea why people even find that sort of lifestyle appealing. I find it boring and miserable. Brexit batshit.

I don’t understand the ‘not having kids is selfish’ argument. That doesn’t even make sense! :fearful:

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Worth pointing out that state schools in London outperform the rest of the UK: London schools outperform the rest of England - Full Fact



Plus, I think kids would appreciate London much more once they’re teenagers (or any major city, but London’s the best). I would’ve killed to London growing up, instead of my shitty little town full of cunts in the middle of nowhere (and I had a pretty average education despite going to a ‘good’ state school).

*killed to live in London

I’m drunk, I apologise for this post