Help maosm stay alive in the death trap that is Australia

@maosm when you’re running from an alligator or crocodile, run in a straight line. The zig zag thing is bollocks.

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@ma0sm - use bright zip-ties to deter swooping magpies

If you find yourself overpowered by an alligator or crocodile, try and put your arm as far as you can down their throat. This will cause them to choke. You’ll likely still lose your arm, but you may escape with your life.

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If you find yourself in the water with a shark, flap about wildly on the surface, you will scare it away.

UTI

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With both Sharks and alligators putting yor finger up there arse puts them into a zombie like state - 100% FACT

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Funnel-Web Spiders are extremely ticklish. If you find the sweet spot, they will collapse in a fit of laughter, enabling you to flee with your life rather than dying slowly and miserably.

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Kangaroos are susceptible to a quick combination throw, especially if they’ve been softened up with a few body punches.

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Russel Crowe hates paparazzi. If you see him, put down your camera.

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koalas have all got the clap. don’t fuck them.

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… without protection.

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The Copperhead Snake’s vision is based on singing. If you see one, run away but do NOT sing as you do.

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crocs etc have extremely strong muscles to close their jaws but very weak ones for opening them, so you could probably take them by just holding their faces shut

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Box Jellyfish mostly reside where there is water. Try to avoid being anywhere wet.

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There’ll always be a bigger knife.

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If you’re unlucky enough to come into close contact with an Irukandji jellyfish quickly recite famous Arnold Schwarzenegger lines incorrectly eg ’ Get to the ‘copter’, ‘You’ll be back’.

The jellyfish will be stunned and desperate to let you know the real lines giving you a chance to escape.

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Unless it’s a spoon

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The temperature during daylight hours is deadly, so you should only go outdoors after sunset (and before sunrise, obviously).

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I LIKE THAT HAT, MATE

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Avoid doing anything, anywhere and you should be ok. But still be careful of the critters that come in your house.

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Drop Bears. Why did it have to be Drop Bears.

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