Help maosm stay alive in the death trap that is Australia



Don’t talk about sport. They’re total dicks when it comes to sport.


Move to New Zealand. Supposed to be quite nice.


Cats are unaffected by the bite of the funnelweb spider.

So either

A) get a cat to keep them at bay
B) don’t get a cat if you don’t want injured, angry funnelwebs being deposited on your bed as a gift


Put on an australian accent, say things like g’day sport, put another shrimp on the barbie and what a pulava. You don’t want to look out of place there.


c) Become a cat.


Show your respect to the locals by learning the national anthem (which is the jingle from Sheila’s Wheels).


d) get bitten by a radioactive cat and become CATMAN


Take notes


Don’t go jogging in Melbourne


Waltzing Matilda - I think u will find


Thank you saps. Would it not be cowardly to run?


I did this the first time, my cycling helmet looking like a nautical mine, but then at a set of traffic lights some other cyclist said “THEY DOWNT DIUR NATHIN MAAAITTTE. WAAISSTA TAAAAIIIRM.” and being one to buckle to peer pressure, I took them out when I got home.


Sounds like I may be a shark.


Those come to tree eyes


Most of these suggestions have been tough but reasonable. This one is just impossible.


Be careful to see how many shrimps are on the barbie before adding more


Pretty much true at the moment, got up to 42 degrees celcius on the weekend,


I’ve already done this one!!


Quite possibly, but I recommend it.


Sounds unpatriotic