Hey DiS, what's YOUR love language?

I saw a tiktok sound the other day that asks ‘what is your go-to primary self-destructive behaviour?’ and then ‘what is your love language?’ and it blew my mind a little. So my love language is cooking/baking for others (I know this isn’t in-keeping with the quiz) and my primary self-destructive behaviour is either eating crap or not eating :exploding_head:

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It’s difficult as a person with anxiety and low self-esteem though, I don’t really want people to do too much for me as it feels like huge pressure to be able to reciprocate and live up to people’s expectations, which even if I can do, my mind will bully me over it and it’s just another layer of worry. Maybe this just means I’m better suited to being single with this kind of disposition.

Thanks, that’s very kind of you :grinning:

We should spend some quality time together soon - when are we gonna have another Brighton meat?

Nah you just would suit someone who is ok with reassuring you and also ok with sometimes not being able to reassure you

:+1:

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Other than eating “unhealthy food” (which I would hardly call self-destructive), i can’t really think of anything particularly self-destructive that I do

Unless occasional anxious self-sabotage counts, which feels more abstract

I saw this too, mine was words of affirmation and thinking unkindly of myself :sob:

yeah, i absolutely think it’s worthwhile knowing. My tv isn’t good with words but now I know how much they matter to me I can tell him that, if he’s still not comfortable that’s totally fine but I’ll be able to know why I’m feeling a bit needy and recognising that is great.

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For me its being told what to do or controlled, hate that for me. But pets getting in your way for attention is so endearing, my cats could technically fuck off for good but they choose to live with us and crave our attention and love?? Its adorable. But the reason why I like cats over dogs is that their neediness is restrained and more coexisting than 24/7 in your face

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It really helped with my mum too, she’s an acts of service person in terms of what makes her happy and also how she shows her love, where ill say nice things and want to hear nice things back, so learning to appreciate what makes the other happy and appreciate how the other is showing their affection really helped us be more solicitous of one another

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Yeah, what @chris-budget said. Also if we all had to totally love ourselves and be fully confident in ourselves, almost no one would be in a relationship at all.

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very wholesome thread this

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Yeah, I think I could probably grow into one over time but it would be a difficult few months full of worry for me, sometimes it’s exhausting just existing so adapting to a whole new way of life would be very intense I think. It’s all good though :slight_smile:

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Yeah, the first three to six months of seeing someone are absolute shit for insecurities and anxieties, imo.

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I got words of affirmation followed by acts of service

I thought this too, and could feel it affecting my answers.

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I demand drinks and will wheel out the tally of drinks received that week when I think it’s slipping. My bf often is rushing out the door to go to golf and I’m like MY TEA. Also most of the time I am asleep when he leaves and I have requested a thermos of tea to be left by my bedside on those occasions but so far, no thermos has arrived.
I like my first and last cups of the day to be made by him.

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The thermos :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

He needs to up his game

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I think it’s just such an adorable idea and would make me very happy. Guess he just doesn’t love me! :woman_shrugging:

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He’s going to pee in that Thermos, and he’ll be right to do it

Love how self aware this is! :+1:

This is not meant to be sarcastic but reading it back it might read as sarcastic.

Not sarcastic!

Yeah I’m usually cynical about stuff that seems a bit woo-woo as well but I think there’s something in this. It’s a blunt tool but it’s a good way to think about how we relate to people in our lives.