Cricket bats.

Ok now I’m paranoid that you can somehow see the feed from the cameras!

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You could get one of those wifi enabled plugs that you can turn on/off from your phone? TP-Link sell them for about £20 or so.

Jokes on anyone who breaks in, I’ve got nothing worth stealing bitchessssss

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same

Round my way people only bother taking stuff from the student houses, because they all have shiny new laptops and bikes, and are less likely to have any kind of security.

Also next door have a massive telly and leave their curtains open all night, so if anyone in my street was going to get broken into it would be them not us.

golf club in the wardrobe, as standard.

Call the rozzers from work, I guess

More security on the bikes in the shed than the actual house, obviously

My mate recently got burgled and they took the huge stick of salami he brought back from Florence

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Oh I’ve got loads of them knocking about.

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Got my Jedi Knight dressing gown and Star Wars slippers, reckon I’ll be fine.

I use my reputation as local hardcase to protect my property and kin.

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Got an alarm we never set. In the new place, we have one of them cameras next to the front door, no idea if I can do anything fancy with my phone with it or owt, but ya know. Cool, maybe.

I’ve been meaning to get some home CCTV installed, but if I do I’m probably just going to watch the cats own the place from my desk at work.

Bloody hell @xylo. Got @meowington in on your little racket too now?

The Artful Xylo it is.

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My matehas one of them door camera things, the neighbours kept setting it off, so now she spends her life convincing herself of new wild theories as to what the neighbours were up to (she reckons they’re in and out too much, also they sometimes have visitors, it’s all highly suspicious).

um…

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Two massive dogs and a sawn off.