How do you cope with being bad at something?

I feel a deep personal sense of shame and embarrassment if I’m seen to be bad at something.

Any tips?

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i like it when i discover i’m bad at something - means no one really expects much of me.


makes me feel like a shit worthless person

I’ve always been a quitter. As soon as i suspect i might not be good at something metaphorically or sometimes litererally run away and try to never think about it again. In the short term it’s the easiest way to cope with things.

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Tend to either work on getting better at it or… not.

can’t be good at everything bammeister. plus you’re already good at music, so stop fucking hogging all the skill m8.

Find someone else worse than me, and beat them at it for a sense of self validation.

TINTCT :biking_man:

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make no mistake it’s a terrible character trait to have both for yourself and others opinions of you.

Depends what it is, and whether I need to be good at it, I’ll either

  • persevere and get better (e.g. DIY, cooking)
  • give up and tell myself that my self-worth isn’t build around whether I’m good at it or not (e.g. running)
  • continue with it when necessary but try not to take myself too seriously (e.g. when I get dragged into playing a board game/quiz that I know I’m no good at)

works well in your early twenties but I can’t run away from everything forever

No, i wouldn’t recommend anyone else do that…i’ve just not got any drive. Too old to change now.

depends what it is and how important it is

some things, you can get better just by doing a little reading and thinking

other things, no point in worrying about it cos it’s so difficult/expensive/whatever

Do an inference chain on why being bad at the thing is bothering me. Go far enough down the chain and you get to something like “being bad at this one particular penoid card game means I have no worth as a human being”, which is so obviously absurd that it stops bothering me.

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Ultimately, the tip is to stop feeling that way. You’ll probably feel that’s a really glib thing to say, but I really believe in that. You have to realise there is a difference between the thoughts that pop into your head and the way you choose to feel about things. It is possible to choose to feel differently, and there are a whole bunch of techniques and ways of thinking that move in that direction.

yeah it’s hearthstone that’s making me want to smash my face in with a brick right now

So modest even with that AQOS bauble round your neck.

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if you just keep going then every little improvement feels like a massive accomplishment, for me at least. ive always ploughed on with stuff like 5-a-side and even though i continue to be utter shite, every time i do something good, it feels 10x better than when i do well at something i’m actually good at.

just remember, this country is literally full of average white men getting loads of praise and reward for doing stuff theyre bad at badly. youre already better than them without having to try.

wish I felt that way, sounds like a great healthy way for a brain to work.

I get very little satisfaction from being good at anything

I don’t do it and pretend I’m ill or dangerous when it comes up

Ummm, I just presume I’m going to be bad at everything so on the odd ocassion im fucking amazing at it it is a good day!

Pretty unhealthy way to think about things. Do not do this.