🎵 How Good Are They Really 🎵 KISS

Anybody voting higher than a 1 should be forced to watch this

Don’t like them. They always come across as super crass and cynical and their songs aren’t very good.

3 Likes

Here is my stream of consciousness essay about why Kiss are the most important band in the world by @hankscorpio, age 37. Had to write it in Word and copy and paste to DIS so apologies for formatting!

It may surprise you to learn that I was an awkward, geeky kid. I hated sports. I loved school. I got on better with teachers than the other kids. On bring a toy to school day I’d take in my collection of Early Learning Centre animals and just want to study them. I spent a lot of time on my own. There were two things that I looked forward to more than anything else when I got home: reading comics and listening to my Dads record collection - he was really in to Black Sabbath, Frank Zappa, Ian Dury, Buzzcocks, Patti Smith…all the stuff which lead to me being a 10 year old greebo. Mum always worried I was lonely (I wasn’t my friends were just all awkward nerds too) and when she could would indulge one of my interests…so a couple of comics from the bric-a-brac shop in town (usually an 80s Amazing Spider-Man) or a charity shop record – anything that looked vaguely punk or rock and was priced at £1 or less she’d pick up. Ended up with some great stuff like Stray Cats (4/5), Blondie (3/5), Rainbow (3/5) and occasionally some absolute shite like Toto (1/5).

Anyway, one day I got home from school and there was a battered second hand vinyl copy of Destroyer on my bed. I’d never seen anything like it. I spent ages staring at the cover thinking it was going to be like a comic. Who were these facepainted ghouls? Why were they dressed like superheroes? When I finally sat down to listen to it…it sounded exactly like the cover made it look like it would! It was silly and brash and colourful and fun but also immediately felt weirdly comforting…it was like all the classic rock compilations we had in the car rolled together with these strange interludes that made me feel like I was a cool rebellious teenager driving my car through LA or something (if you read that and go “but Kiss were all at least forty by the time that album came out” I should also mention for context that at the time I had read Adrian Mole and had NO IDEA IT WAS MEANT TO BE A JOKE). I was so excited. I listened to that record hundreds of times but being a kid had no concept of a back catalogue so just carried on without exploring any more of their music. Arguably a good thing.

For Christmas that year I got a tape copy of The Best Rock Album In The World…Ever and was THRILLED to find out that Kiss had more songs! Crazy Crazy Nights was on It…that chorus! That key change! It was incredible! I was a confirmed fan. That song (and The Boys Are Back In Town) are still bona fide road trip ragers.

I got older, in to metal via Motorhead (also a charity shop record – No Sleep Til Hammersmith, thanks Mum) then punk and grunge and indie and on from there…but always had a soft spot for Kiss. There was something so warm and nostalgic about them. I didn’t know anyone who’d listen to them regularly but as my friends and I grew up we’d blast out their greatest hits in the car between taped Sepultura or Metallica albums.

Somehow it became tradition that every Christmas Eve we would pile in to a car, drive around seeing people, listen to Kiss and go for a Chinese meal. A tradition I’ve kept up, minus the driving around. I have a house now so can get drunk, listen to classic rock and eat Chinese food there.

The first time I saw my wife was at work in a bank’s call centre on dress down Friday. She was wearing skinny jeans, pink converse hi tops and a Kiss t shirt. She was beautiful. It’s ridiculous to say now because I was a 23 year old dickhead but I knew I was going to fall deeply in love with her. As we got to know each other we discovered a shared love for loads of music and doing silly impulsive things. Our first year together was a blur of drinking, gigs, road trips and listening to classic rock all night.

We moved in together and calmed down a LOT but always joked about a Vegas wedding being the only option that would suit us. By the time I asked her to marry me we were set on that being our plan and there was only one place we wanted to go. The Kiss chapel. We got married on Halloween 2016, officiated by a man in a full Gene Simmons costume. My vows were lyrics from God Of Thunder. Hers were from I Was Made For Lovin’ You. She walked down the aisle to Strutter and after we kissed, Love Gun blasted out from the chapel speakers and we fucked off. We spent the rest of the week with our pals in the sun, driving across the desert, drinking cocktails and eating fried food. It was perfect.

Here we are with Vegas Gene Simmons

image

And this is our silly wedding portrait. We have this hanging up on our wall and I laugh every time I see it.

image

Boring serious music bit for people to disagree with – their first five or so albums have some great pop songwriting. Alive is, despite the massive amount of studio overdubs (close to 100%) a thrilling record. Deuce, Strutter, Detroit Rock City, Crazy Nights, Black Diamond all incredible rock and roll songs. Here’s a great cover –

And another one for @Epimer

They’re also a great live band…although there’s definitely an element of accepting that it’s just theatre given the reliance on backing tracks for almost everything now. If you want a big rock and roll show with fire, explosions, people flying offstage and all the Spinal Tap clichés go and see Kiss…or Rammstein. But Kiss will be more fun (even I’m not sure I fully agree with that actually).

We could have a whole other HGIIR dissecting their ridiculous range of merch. I won’t even talk about their movies but if you have a spare 90 minutes watch Kiss Meets The Phantom Of The Park and appreciate how abysmally wrong band tie-ins can go.

Are Kiss the best band in the world? No. Is even a quarter of their back catalogue any good? No. Is Gene Simmons a horrible person? Yes. No question there, he is truly vile for many, many reasons. Despite that, are Kiss super important to me and will their music be significant to me for the rest of my life? Also yes.

I need to stress here that does not give any member of the band a free pass for shitty behaviour. To me Kiss are the cool monster characters on the front cover of Destroyer, not the disappointing sleazy old businessmen they actually are. Sometimes heart beats head. Sorry.

Bury me in a Kiss Kasket after I die on this hill.

5/5

PS. A vote below a 3 means you don’t think I deserve love in my life and that my marriage is a sham so think about that. Muting the thread now have fun byeeee (just kidding I’ll be back to weigh in on all of your horrible takes).

60 Likes

fucking hate them.

edit: glad some people enjoy them as above, and as previously stated its weird how far their reach was/is. But nope.

1 Like

This is class!!!

4 Likes

Gene Simmons is responsible for this and Lil Chris. 5

2 Likes

The Donnas wouldn’t exist without them so it’s a 5

2 Likes

Shit band. Slade in makeup.

1

1 Like

Doing an ENORMOUS disservice to Slade there.

8 Likes

Amazing post. :sunglasses:

3 Likes

After reading Hankscorpio’s post I feel bad about the things I was going to post so I will just leave my score on the desk and see myself out.

9 Likes

Your mum sounds cool as fuck

4 Likes

I mean… they’re shite, and they all seem like absolute pricks. But I love them.

1 Like

Aw man, what a lovely post! Some of this made me feel dead warm and fuzzy inside!

Also…

I had this! I’m pretty sure I still have it up in the loft. Might go and dust it off. I can still vividly remember the exploding planet on the cover.

3 Likes

Slade wore quite a lot of makeup.

Doesn’t Gene Simmons have something like the world’s largest collection of Kiss memorabilia?

Always found that thought very strange.

They are shite. 1

2 Likes

I’ll tell her you think so!

1 Like

i remember on cribs he showed off a kiss casket :laughing:

I am seriously considering buying a new copy for the car. That track list is (mostly) solid bangers.

If you think that’s strange, wait until you hear about his Polaroid collection…