One of my oldest friends recently looked shocked when I confided about some mental health issues and described me as, “one of the most level headed, has-it-together people I know.”
If I ever tapped into my true lying potential I’d be God King of Planet Earth in about a month.
having to pretend to be a person when I worked in customer service
being so terrified of being hurt from a life of upheaval and abuse that I was a people-pleasing chameleon who acquiesced to other people’s personalities just to survive
trying desperately to articulate things without being hurt
made me a ‘good liar’ on some level
there’s also the constant + unsparing self-questioning and need to be a good person, so there’s never even a hint of malevolence to it
so less a liar, more a pretender of sorts? idk
started to actually develop a social sense of self in 2017, and quit pretending mostly, at least because I felt I had people who I could blossom around - like, I started to feel like I knew who I wanted to be and that my social spheres were in harmony with that person.
also, I find it much, much harder to put on a happy face now
I’m a terrible, terrible liar. I find conversation so draining anyway that I have no capacity left for lying, and even if I did I’ve got this ridiculous honesty running right through me. I’ll happily avoid conversations for years if it means I don’t have to lie, and it’s something that’s got me in all manner of trouble in my life. Frankly, sometimes lying is good and useful and saves people a lot of pain and discomfort, and I wish I could do it but I’m stuck here being honest or saying nothing at all.
Will lie to people about small things quite often.
Like I recently missed a dentist appointment and my boss asked me how it went and I was embarrassed to tell him that I’d missed it so just said yeah it was fine, then I had to reschedule the appointment and then come up with another reason why I was missing work that afternoon. Still worried that that web of lies will come untangled
Absolutely hopeless under any kind of scrutiny and at lying about bigger stuff though