Sad I wasted my teens and 20s being unable to come to terms with most aspects of my personality. Far more chilled these days.
Still spend far too much time reflecting and on introspection, but think it has really helped me figure out what’s good and what’s bad and what I can improve upon and what I should stop beating myself up about.
In the last few years I’ve gone from spending every day hating myself to only hating myself for maybe a few days a month? And improving at such a rate that I can see total acceptance on the horizon. That’s going to be wild.
Then again, I’m 31 and still quoting Smiths lyrics so I’ve got some work to do.
If you’d asked me 5 years ago I’d have said 5. I was so self-assured (or so I thought)
There’s nothing like life changing events such as having a child (or indeed losing someone, which I know you’ve gone through lately ) to make you re-evaluate things though. Learning how to parent (or at least unleashing those instincts) has made me realise that I don’t even really KNOW myself at all, never mind ACCEPT myself. Stopping /dramatically cutting down on drinking has also been an eye-opener. I’ve been running away from grief and hurt and trauma (mostly low level stuff, but accumulative) for most of my adult life instead of dealing with things and growing and living.SO I’m getting to know myself just now, and I certainly do not accept who I am or who I have been. I think I’ve been cobbling myself together for decades and flying by the seat of my pants, and thinking THIS IS JUST ME, IT’S FINE, which is such absolute pathetic bullshit. I think this might be growing up (finally, aged 43.)