How much mercy are you showing these days?

  • I show no mercy
  • I show some mercy
  • I show loads of mercy
  • Depends

0 voters

I treat mercy like I treat skin. I will never show it in public

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Nice policy

Shown any skin recently?

I treat mercy like I treat skin. I show it as much as possible, even in situations where it’s really not warranted or appropriate.

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beaucoup

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I’ll have you know that I did actually stand by my balcony door stark naked this morning but holding up a pair of lounge shorts in the position they would be if I was wearing them. There is a very slim possibility that my skin was visible at this stage to any onlookers with a high vantage point.

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I’m a real pushover, very merciful mostly because I cba with grudges and keeping track of beeves, so the best solution is 1 mercy and 0 beef

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Yeah, me too 'cado. Do you ever find yourself fretting about that?

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I do, don’t want to be seen as a soft touch and easily manipulated and want to project a hardened image that nobody will mess with but alas, I’m about as hard as a marshmallow

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It’s a tough position to be in, you have my utmost empathy

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Many people would think of me as a cold, hard bitch but I am such a pushover and insanely forgiving, even when people are awful to me.

I do not fret about this though as it’s a positive and I feel a bit sorry for people who can’t forgive

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I agree, my sister never forgives and it’s difficult I think to live with so much resentment inside

I hold grudges for about 18months and then it’s like memento, and I forget what happened at all. Really weird, tbh! Not a great trait! Would rather keep the angry fire stoked or forgive and forget quickly rather than wondering what so-and-so is up to then remembering we are enemies

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the karate kid GIF

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I’m quite a merciful chap all in all. As a cat owner I’ve had to do a few mercy killings of troubled mice/birds and I always apologize beforehand and give them a quick neck snap rather than drawing out the death by, say, some sort of ritualised bloodletting

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-Marilyn Monroe

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I absolutely hate confrontation, it makes me feel terrible. No matter how livid I am I try not to confront people and pretend I’m being merciful, but that’s not a good trait as it’s spineless and means people get away with doing bad things.

I posted in some of the daily threads recently about my friend’s (over-eager) admirer…

Summary

She wanted something casual, they went on two dates and spent one awkward weekend together, he was v intense about how much he liked her and wasn’t reading the room when she was clearly not in the mood for his intense brand of perma-flirting/innuendo. She broke things off, he immediately demanded that she promise to be friends with him, she’s too non confrontational to say no - she felt bad about hurting his feelings by ending it. He then sent her a locket, themed on something with deep and lifelong personal significance to her, ‘to say thanks for giving me a chance’ - she feels like he’s tainted this very important childhood memory for her. For some reason she still felt too guilty to block him.

In the 2 years since then he’s kept messaging her, she’s ignored most of them and become increasingly annoyed that he’s not got the hint, she hadn’t had a conversation with him since this Jan or replied at all since March. Just reams of ignored and unopened messages. I should add that he asked me to invite him to her birthday celebrations (???) in April and has very very transparently been taking notes of our in-jokes and using them himself both generally on social media but also in his messages to us. I assumed this was to try and get her attention. It’s very creepy. This man is 35 big years old.

Then in August he asked her to read his novel, she finally snapped and said ‘I don’t have capacity for that’ and blocked him on WhatsApp. He immediately messaged her on FB to ask if she’d blocked him and sob stories about him losing friends and how much he wanted to be friends with her as a result. She REALLY should have blocked him everywhere at this point but ignored again.

He then messaged her in November, she didn’t see it because she was super busy, a week later he then sent her an incredibly plaintive and embarrassing text asking for a friendship reset. She said ‘dont contact me again’ and blocked him everywhere. Her quote: 'I feel really detached from it and just astonished really, and I’m glad I feel that way, because if I didn’t I’d be terrified."

…this week he fucking messaged me trying to make excuses (‘i’ve never had to get over anyone before so I didn’t know what I was doing!’), going on about how he’d ruined the friendship, and saying ‘if you do speak to her about this, tell her…’ as well as saying this was for the best ‘for the foreseeable future at least.’ Now I think my friend should have either told him he was acting unacceptably a while back or blocked him a lot sooner. However he also has refused to take any real responsibility for his behaviour, has been very creepy and manipulative, hasn’t cared about what she actually wants and is loaded with entitlement. He’s made her revert even more into her shell with men and I think he has still made her afraid because social norms are out the window here. I wanted to absolutely destroy him in my message back. So why did part of me still want to forgive him and take mercy on him??

I ended up sending him what probably read like a very brutal message which outlined the selfishness of his behaviour and how his excuses didn’t really hold up under scrutiny, plus made it absolutely unambiguously clear that there is no future there foreseeable or otherwise. But it was actually a way more merciful message than it could have been. I gave him advice and tried to suggest how he could avoid making the mistakes again.

I still hated sending it even though this dude has made me incredibly angry. I hate being conditioned to feel bad about holding people to account for their behaviour. But I’ve tried to be merciful in a constructive way rather than in an absolving way.

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