How quickly could you be at least waist deep in water from NOW!

reckon I could make it to the Cam in 90 seconds, if jumping down the stairs and not pausing to hold the door open for Isobel

Apologies for doubting you.

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canal across the road. 2 minutes. depends if this guy lets me in…

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Reckon I could be dead in the Thames inside four minutes, assuming the lifts are working.

BIG BOOTS WARN. BIG BOOTS.

I’m abandoning my car in the middle of a road, you can take your boots off.

if you were truly committed, you’d drive directly through the bridge crash barriers, windows wound down of course.

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maybe jump out the door mid-fall, if you can time it right?

I reckon there might be a cut through a bit earlier that I could plough down but I am not 100% sure it would work. What to do?

I think this would be a more interesting question if it were waist deep (no more, no less) rather than at least waist deep. A missed opportunity.

It would add on seconds if I have to change these boots. They take a while to get off.

I could run to the local gym/hotel with a pool, this would take 4mins googling then down two flights of stairs 3 mins, then I estimate another 10mins running to it, who knows what obstacles I would face once there, I may have to overpower a security guard or gym bod, my hand to hand combat is a bit rusty so conservatively another 4mins so roughly 21mins.
Or I go to the basement 4mins, take the fire axe and start smashing some of the big pipes down there, risky mind, they could be the shit pipe (would this count?), boiling water or gas.

I will allow shit as long a it is liquefied. Gas is a no no.

What about sitting a fish tank? There is a local restaurant with one that would be the quickest certain option.

Got to be standing. If so then it is fine.

Personally, with the distance I would have to cover, walking would be faster because I am very unfit and cannot run for long without requiring a break.

No probs - just glad you thought it through.

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It’s a 14 minute walk to the duckpond in the park, so I reckon running I could do it in 10 (yeah, I’m out of shape, whatever). The river’s cleaner, but that’s further away and the bit nearest me is quite shallow, so duck shit it is.

drive to the canal / river - equidistant from me I’d say, maybe 4 minutes depending on traffic

swimimng pool closer more like 3 minutes drive but I’d have to break through reception which might take time

running bath takes ages, so that’s out

Two and a half minutes at most, m9. Run down the stairs, through the turnstiles, across the road into Holyrood Park, and I’ll be wading about with Her Majesty’s swans trying to break a man’s arm.