How we talk to each other on here/Debating etiquette


#1

Ok so it seems like things have mostly calmed down in the Obesity thread now, so I thought rather than stirring that up again I’d post a new thread – especially seeing as this is relevant for everyone on here, not just those who participate in that one thread. PLEASE NOTE: This is not a second thread for carrying on the specific debates taking place in that thread.

Also: I have not discussed this with the other @moderators before posting this thread. So these are my thoughts as a long time poster and individual moderator, rather than a statement on behalf of all admins/mods.

When we re-opened the Obesity/CRUK thread, I posted a message asking everyone to “Keep it civil”. While the thread does seem to have calmed down a bit, there are still several “low-level” personal attacks being used, just like earlier in the thread before we closed it and deleted things etc and obviously in other discussions across the boards.

In my opinion, in a serious discussion like that one, calling someone a “fucking weirdo” for stating their opinion, saying that someone else is using “cunt tactics” or anything else of the sort (and we all know there are plenty more examples) is not OK. I absolutely appreciate that this is an emotional subject for lots of people (as indeed, most things really worth discussing in length will inevitably be) and you can get carried away, but that’s just all the more reason to mind how you put your points across. We all get angry, of course, I have a bad temper a lot of the time myself, but please don’t forget the simple fact that the one on the receiving end of your attacks is also a human being with emotions just like you. That sounds really hippie-ish, but it honestly seems like a lot of people still forget about this when online.

I’m obviously not saying that everyone needs to be friends and get along perfectly OR ELSE, I’m just saying that name calling and petty personal attacks are really not the way to go. And I honestly thought that we had mostly moved past that.

It’s all about what kind of place we want this to be, and I as a moderator I will be taking this sort of thing way more seriously from here on out. No matter how RIGHT you think you are, it’s not really an excuse to just be downright rude to other people. If YOU want this place to be nice and welcoming (and to carry on with the improvement we’ve seen since the new boards opened), then it’s as much YOUR personal responsibility to keep a civil tone as it is the responsibility of those you disagree with.

So yeah, this is a thread do discuss how we discuss things. Play nice.


#2

I really love you wr


#3

:heart:

Definitely support this and will also try to enforce when able to.


#4

Yep. I’m prone to sniping past a certain level of discussion and whenever it’s happened and I look back at those threads I always wince so much. Just need to remember that before I dig in during debates!


#5

Counterpoint : BEEVES


#6

This is a great post and I really appreciate it being said. Debates rarely ever go well on this website (or anywhere on the internet for that matter) and I think a lot can always be learned from here in all ways.

Although not wanting to start a discussion about the other thread, I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to @bigfoot and anyone else I offended for loosing my cool. Shouldn’t have posted the things I did in the tone I did so I am sorry. I just got worked up and felt like I was trying to be caught out for what I was saying.

I do want to reiterate though (if its ok to talk about this here as well) that the depression thread is a safe place and anything posted in there should not be highlighted or brought up elsewhere on the boards. This just causes people to go searching for those very personal posts for gossipy reasons and that isn’t cool with me (and probably most other people that rely on that thread as a means to get by/vent sometimes).


#7

This is an important point, and for those of us who do not regularly post in there it’s really helpful that you make that clear. Not that I’d go and search for gossip in there like that, but you know, always helpful to know just where the line is drawn really.


#8

I no longer think your bum is sexy, so there


#9

@anon30627475 sudden need from me to give you a bit of an online hug. Been snappy with you of late.


#10

But you ARE still thinking about it.


#11

Exactly. The last thing we want is for that safety to be compromised.

Great thread WR. Keep up the good work, we all appreciate you and the other mods.


#12

Thanks for saying this! Kinda what I was trying to get at.

I often feel people’s tone, aggressiveness or general use of sarcasm can really cause things to escalate quickly and people get upset and everyone leaves unhappy.

Sometimes it’s easy in the heat of the moment to think you are arguing with the point and the topic and not realise you’re actually getting personal and that’s a shame. I think a lot of people might look back later on what they’ve said and regret the tone they’ve used but not really want to bring it back up or highlight it so it never gets addressed.

It’s ok though I know you are all good people :slight_smile:


#13

This does not apply in the football threads


#14

Thanks for writing this and I genuinely didn’t mean to rile you up and make you upset - I PMd @plasticniki to say I was shocked by your response to me in that thread because I felt a bit blindsided.

But what was said in the MH thread was gossipy about me (as I read it). I was genuinely reading the thread of my own accord and came across it. I posted about it because it was a way for me to vent my shock at being told to fuck off pretty much randomly. I would have preferred a PM.


#15

If I can’t swear at people you might as well just ban me now


#16

I mean trying to keep a lid on it would be a fool’s errand, especially after having a few. Having said that it’s never done with fucking malice you fuckers


#17

Can you call them nicer swears like bounder


#18

I really don’t think so


#19

Fudge you!


#20

depends entirely what we’re arguing too. sorry but if someone starts saying racist stuff they’re getting the paddle (verbally)