How's your career / existential crisis going?


Fuck me, death isn’t good enough for the person who took the bell curve and appropriated it for performance management needs. In a previous job, HR were committed to making sure we were a “highly performing organisation” where at least 20% of people had to be rated poor or worse and only 20% of people could be good or better. They never did understand the statistical impossibility of that.


“CV written in crayon”, “too many blood stains”, “spelt their own name wrong”.


I used to work for someone like that! It was all to do with the bonus. Basically if you have roughly three ratings - needs improvement, good and excellent - for every person you rated as excellent you had to rate one as poor, it basically wasn’t possible for everyone to be excellent (or no-one to be poor).

This was all to do with calculating the bonus, there were basically so many variables that they wanted to give everyone the same 5% and not have to work out anything different. Because the bonus pot is fixed so by rating someone ‘excellent’ you have to take away from someone else, and everyone being on a different salary complicates it even more.

I could never be bothered to sit down and work it out but I was positive that you have enough known variables - the total bonus pot, performance rating of each employee, salary of each employee - and only one unknown - how much each person gets - that I am certain it was possible, probably with a single formula. But I don’t think in a company of about 10,000 people there was anyone smart enough to work it out. I was tempted to do it myself just to test it was possible - that basically, you would enter everyone’s performance rating and it would spit out what bonus everyone got.


Should I use my unemployed time to learn to type and become a transcriber? Does anyone know where I could get more information on this?


Think @imaperv does some transcribing?


Been asked to attend occupational health meeting before job offer can be confirmed :weary:


I used to but it was rubbish, and a stupid idea given my RSI tbh.

Learn the formatting then freelance rather than going through TakeNote. 90p per min transcribed will get you £ while making you extremely competitively priced if you have contacts that want work transcribed.


I think @Shiggles might do transcribing too unless I’ve mistaken them for someone else


already looking for another job and ive only been in this one 5 weeks. god it’s shit.


Transcribing is great and very interesting work if you’re a bit nosy - I get to spend all week looking at diverse research projects, business information and a whole host of other stuff. I also happen to find it very fulfilling, there’s something about assembling big documents that’s fun. I actually am literally typing something right now!

I mainly work for a company based in Australia called Pacific (they have a UK arm too), but there are loads around, and they all have different ways of working. These guys are my fourth agency I’ve worked for, and they fit me the best in terms of how they handle their contractors. The only problem with going freelance is generating the business, but if you’re up for a challenge or know people who need it then yeah, @imaperv is in a good ballpark cost-wise. If you’ve any specific questions I’m happy to answer them!


what qualifications do you need


None for my role. Different agencies take on contractors with different specifications, but mainly they add you to the pool based on proprietary testing. They’re looking at your language capability, research skills, and typing speed/accuracy. Nothing else really matters, to be honest.

Edited to add - they might even hire you if you type as badly as I did just now. That paragraph is a dog’s dinner, sorry. Can’t be bothered to edit it though.


thank you

hmmmm :thinking:


I might be applying to make the temporary part of my contract fixed term until June, when there’ll probably be another interview for more permanent hours which I might not need because I should have accrued more permanent hours by working here full time for four years.

I’m really bored of being interviewed for temporary versions of my job.




Like fuck am I moving to Southampton. Jesus.


a pal of mine moved there and got so bloody depressed. kept asking what i used to do for fun but i couldn’t think of anything.


Patent new ways to give people cancer, probably.


Had an interview yesterday, been called back for a follow up. Have to do a 30 min presentation :cry:


HI GUYS. I’m getting really stressed about this now because in my heart of hearts, I don’t want - or think I can handle - a full-time, permanent job. At least not right now. So, even though on paper I am able to do a role like the one I’m applying for with my eyes closed, I’ve been burned so many times with my anxiety and depression going through the roof and burning out in spectacular fashion. And this has happened in places where I’ve believed in the company/cause, loved what I was doing and/or loved the team I was working with. If I’m being honest with myself, my mental illness does have a massive impact on my ability to deal with pressure and that’s the last thing a potential employer wants to hear, isn’t it?

I kinda hinted at this happening in my first interview, and after being given my task I spoke to the recruiter who had dug for any negative feedback that I could work on for round 2. The interview said that I was fantastic BUT there is a small ‘element of risk’ in hiring me, given I’ve had a difficult past year (I didn’t really let on it’s been more like 10 years of difficulty). The recruiter, bless him, inadvertently said the worst thing possible to me: “It’s ok, it’s not like you’re a basket case (I am!) or that you need intensive therapy (I do!)”

So now I’m just figuring out a) the best way to break the news to the recruiter that I’m not the right person for the job so they don’t hate and blacklist me forever, b) tell my parents that I still want to look for something part time and not go straight back into full-time work, and c) what the fuck is best for me and how am I gonna earn enough to pay my parents rent, lol