Be nice to hear about other people’s troubles for a bit.
Pretty constant suicide fixation, quickly ruining all my relationships with other humans, almost always wasted and no interest in helping myself. It’s a hell of a life!
Up and down. Down as all hell most of this week, had to take a day off work to regard the wallpaper for a few hours, and the intrusive thoughts were about as vivid and disturbing as they’ve ever been.
Feel great today though. Go figure.
Not sure if I get/have depression, anxiety, social anxiety or I’m just introverted and it’s par for the course. Sometimes have days where I can’t and don’t want to speak to people at all and find it very difficult to make any sort of decision. Like my brain’s shutdown. Can only really give monosyllabic answers. If I get drunk/high the world is a scary and utterly joyless place a couple of days later, but that’s probably normal. Shouldn’t really drink but not drinking is shit as well. Think I’ve just got low serotonin levels that get easily depleted and take a while to replenish, combined with deep-rooted social anxiety that induces depression. That’s my guess. Thanks for reading this fascinating post.
how can we help you Ruffers? I’m sure you have plenty of worth as a human being, be good to yourself
yeah I get crazy moodswings, I’m not exactly manic but sometimes I’m convinced I’m amazing and can do anything and others I feel like I’ve always been a waste of space and the rest is an illusion. Loneliness mainly.
Are you able to tell yourself that it’s just a phase in your darkest moments?
yeah drink and drugs can really put you on an uphill struggle. I was in a cycle of drinking every day to calm my anxiety fairly recently, not a good place. I did find that once I stopped drinking for a couple of days I felt more able t ocope with myself.
I do want a beer now though!
nice girls are nice
What links Pepto-Bismol, Deep Heat and Root Beer?
They all taste like ‘wintergreen’.
At the moment I have anxiety (well, stress) purely caused by my dissertation, which I cannot fucking do. I’m overly preoccupied with it but I just can’t face it. Whenever I work on it, something always manages to go wrong.
I always make excuses in my head for not doing it (hungover, having a bad day/week, the old DiS is gone, etc.). I was supposed to work on it today but I just couldn’t/can’t.
In doing the best I’ve done for a while. can’t shake off the worry that it’s all going to go to shit soon though.
Have the worst fucking tension headache because I’ve been so anxious about moving in to a new place. Just got my keys today but didn’t move in. Can feel it in my jaw and my shoulders.
Also it’s embarrassing if I meet anyone off here cos I’m really quiet IRL but basically a gobshite on here so that probably unsettles people and makes me seem untrustworthy or something dunno. Aww poor me.
well done on your improving mental health!
don’t worry about it. Nobody really minds how you are on here
After years of refusing to take meds I caved in 8 months ago and haven’t been suffering from Anxiety nearly as much as I used to. I’ve found myself to be far less critical and pessimistic as a result and stopped being such a massive arsehole, which I had become over a 4 year period which made me utterly unlikable. I just need to get over my social anxiety though as I’ve often become borderline recluse and thats no good for anyone.
hey well done man, that sounds like a universally positive experience!
I’ll never be able to forgive or apologise for what a spiteful asshole I became between 2011 - 2015 but heres to the future eh?
Hope ur doing well
Not really. When I can feel a bleak period coming on I can tell myself, “this too shall pass” and when I’m on the way back up I think, “see? It’s passed, as it always does.” But in the eye of the storm, as it were, I’m convinced it’s where I belong. The way I deserve to feel. Exactly as you put it - the rest feels like an illusion. No amount of mindfulness, of trying to recognise negative thought patterns or any of that helps. That needs some kind of rationality to work and I’m not at all rational.
I probably need to try meds again but I’ve not had much luck with them so far.
Sounds like it could be a chronic low level depression (has a fancy name) or just anxiety impossible to tell really but don’t convince yourself you are fine if things get worse and creep up on you. Being a bit introverted and social anxious can be fine, but it’s important to look after your mental health.
I know I’ve let it creep up on me to the point that it’s hard to reconnect with people. I’ve seriously damaged my social life by retreating. Even when I had a friend come visiting I found the whole thing very stressful.