I have really sunk down pretty low again after doing alright for a while. My last increase in dose of my anxiety meds in December seemed to have levelled me out somewhat, but there is too much going wrong at the moment and I can’t handle it.
Worst is my ex being a total nightmare again. He is asking for more contact with R despite frequently cancelling because of being ‘sick’, and I can’t explain my reasons for thinking it isn’t appropriate without him getting childish and abusive and bombarding me with really callous messages. The whole situation with how we broke up is still really traumatic for me and it is horrible still having to have any communication with him but I know that I have to do it for R. He never sticks to agreements we have made in mediation so we will probably have to end up going to court to sort out things and I am getting palpitations thinking about having to go through that, with him no doubt flinging a load of exaggerated and outright false claims to make out I am an unfit parent.
Argh, I am just ranting now, sorry… I won’t continue, but there are a bunch of other issues too that are overwhelming me and it is making me feel like I am going to implode in on myself, which in turn is making me want to self harm for some release but I know that I can’t do that.