Obsessing and not being able to move on is something many of us can relate to.
It’s such an awful and debilitating state to be in but at the same time it’s utterly seducing and addictive.
The stark truth is that only you can make the decision to climb out of this. You are the person holding yourself under the water.
I think you probably really do need to go cold turkey. Feelings like the ones you’re experiencing are only of value if they’re reciprocated and when they’re not they’re just painful and soul-destroying. In fact, I’d probably go as far as to say that the kind of feelings you’re experiencing might not be healthy in a real relationship, they’re probably too intense. I think when we want to love someone to such extremes it probably
comes from the fact that we don’t value and love oursevles enough.
Don’t seek to analyse your feelings, don’t blame yourself for feeling them. Just acknowledge the longing and the sadness like it’s the weather, it will pass and there’s nothing you can do about it. Just accept it and look for distraction. Recognise that it can be comforting and addictive and don’t wallow in it.
I think my biggest breakthrough in getting over someone was recognising that I shouldn’t try and think through my emotions. Emotions aren’t thoughts, they’re feelings. Just acknowledge the feelings and let them wash over you, don’t hold onto them or try and deal with them. Feel them and let them go.
This may be of no help whatsoever but I’ve mostly let go of feelings that used to completely overwhelm me and it feels like one of my greatest achievements so I thought I’d share some thoughts here.
wondering if part of my problem is rooted in feeling entitled to things that most other people don’t have
having a little period of enduring an unbearable living situation is probably good for my soul
p.s. today is the most miserable I think I have ever felt
Really sorry you’re feeling miserable DB - I know it counts for very little as it’s ultimately just words, and when things feel bleak it often feels pretty worthless as encouragement goes - but things will improve in time.
You’re an absolutely diamond of a person… I really hope things improve (both in terms of how you’re feeling and you’re overall living situation, which sounds beyond awful) very very soon.
The hardest thing about reading this thread often is seeing such lovely, top, genuine people struggle and suffer
I think I’ve acted very spoilt recently. I know things will be better really soon xxx
Sorry you’re suffering with this. I totally sympathise, I have lots of anxiety around everything from social events to work things to basically any kind of travel and even when you manage to push through and get to them the extra effort can be exhausting.
I’ve been doing counselling for it and it’s really been a big help at digging down to why I feel anxious about these things, and coping mechanisms that aren’t just avoiding the thing that’s causing the anxiety (but I still do that sometimes because I’m very far from perfect).
If you can look into some more counselling maybe that would help? A few weeks ago I’d have said it’s been life-changing, but I’ve had a few backslides recently. It’s still been a very positive thing, anyway.
Cheers. Got through it okay - he didn’t seem to mind. Getting sent some stuff later about immersion therapy. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to involve jumping into a swimming pool
Not heard of that before, unless I have but by a different name.
Hopefully it’ll be throwing yourself under your duvet cover and not emerging again until things feel better.
exposure therapy maybe?
Would be interested to know what it involves (if you’re happy to share when you get the bumf through?)
I’m doing exposure therapy as part of my online CBT course. It’s basically gradually exposing yourself to more and more of what you’re afraid of (I’m doing it for social anxiety so it’s all talking to people) until it doesn’t have quite so much a hold over you. I imagine this would be easier in one-to-one CBT, as I don’t feel like I have much support online. And it is quite scary to confront.
Has anyone tried woebot? https://www.woebot.io
I’d be interested to hear people’s experiences.
Ah, that makes sense.
Sounds like a sensible approach, however I can totally understand feeling tough approaching it without one-to-one support…
Good luck with it, man… Hope it ends up paying dividends for you!
Going to try it, as decreasing the frequency of my counseling has COINCIDENTALLY coincided with some of the worst anxiety episodes I’ve had in a while and I could use something to help.
Thanks! It’s been tough going but I think I’ve finally found some medication that’s working for me so hopefully I’ll be making some progress soon.
Hope it helps! Let me know how it goes!
First I’ve seen of it - looks an interesting idea and I’d give it a go on my phone if it was available on Android. There’s something about Facebook that means I wouldn’t want to have it on there thought.