It only feels like drinking is helping tho bam, I was in the same place with codeine and weed earlier this year. A momentary high or distraction but which makes your reality feel all the more harsh and cold when you come back to it. Obviously this is the part where I tell you to cut that shit out because it isn't making anything better.
RE: yr sense of hopelessness, I find that the hardest thing to offer advice on because I feel the same way. I'll hazard that it's such an internal feeling closely bound up with your own sense of identity at this point that it's almost impossible to imagine what other feeling could replace it were you to flick a switch and get rid. In a weird way that and the misery are so pervasive they can trick you into thinking they are you - imagine getting the flu and thinking that's the correct way a healthy person should feel. Dunno if this makes sense I'm still a long way from stable myself. But I think it would help to try and do what I'm trying to do, which is to contextualise the bad thoughts and feelings and realise they can be dealt with (or at least fought to a stalemate), but without isolating them at the same time, since that's essentially repressing how you really feel. Really hope you can get the ball rolling dude.