I feel like a lot of my anxiety right now is coming from trying to make sense of everything, trying to fit things into patterns, narrative, cause and effect, whatever.
I've been trying to make sense of my mind, my sense of self, my life, the world and how I relate to it, reading about different mental health issues, reading about psychotherapy-type things, watching TV or listening to music trying to relate, trying to express my thoughts and feelings through creative endeavours, etc.
I don't it's possible to make sense of anything, though. even if something suddenly does make sense, it gets lost in the wash of information, in the jumble of events.
I try to get a handle on who I am, why I am the way I am, but other people, politics, art/culture/etc, this all just leaves me out at sea again. even just the passage of time, going to sleep and waking up again - I can't maintain a grip on anything.