How's your depression?


On the phone? That’s interesting… How did you find it? Clearly, work is probably not the ideal environment for this…

I’ve been through two different cycles of CBT - the first on a 1-2-1 basis face to face that was really useful, I think it lasted for 10 sessions. The second was in a group setting and I got absolutely nothing out of that at all.

I hope that you managed to take something from the session - any progress is good progress, no matter how miniscule it might feel.


I’ve been the last two years like you. I am a completely different person right now, and I’m happy. I had been two years really depressed, and suddenly, I decided that my life had to change, and it did. I am really happy and grateful now. Of course I have bad days, but I understand that everyone has them, and that they it will go away sooner or later. Since that day I decided to change I’ve been more friendly, more open-minded, I had a better behaviour and my ideas clear. I feel very lucky for having the opportunity to be fine and to live happily. I also would like to give everyone this opportunity.


mirtazapine is really hitting the spot. chuffed


Glad to hear it, was worried about you


Admitted to my girlfriend that I have a problem with death thoughts today, but it made me feel ridiculous because I don’t think that they’re actually serious. I’ve never hurt myself, but I’m worried that I could in the future.

I need to book a doctors appointment about it now, but I’m not sure how to tell my parents. Might try whatever services my uni has.

I also think that a lot of it could be my diet and lack of exercise, which is added to by the stress of final year? I’m not really sure.


yeah diet has a massive impact on my stress, try to eat well and get to bed earlier.

take care of yourself x


Death thoughts are not unusual things and its good that you are able to talk about it. Sure they might not be serious as in you dont want to act on them but they still suggest some underlining issues.

Ive had them pretty regularly since I was 10 and them coming back tend to be one of the first signs of my mental health deteriorating. I think there are a lots of kinds of death thoughts… some are just a desire to disappear for awhile others are more of an internal cry for help or even outwardly suicidal.

Honestly I wouldn’t say it was necessary to talk to your parents at this point. If you are put on medication it might be a good idea, particularly with side effects and the like. But un supportive parents can be the absolute worst and make things way more stressful. If you think they will be supportive and could do with the support fine, but I would still wait till after the doctors appointment when you have a plan/course of action to talk them through.

Anyway good luck with it all. Hope things go well. Exercise is a huge help and stress could definitely be a major contributing factor here. Look after yourself


I feel like a lot of my anxiety right now is coming from trying to make sense of everything, trying to fit things into patterns, narrative, cause and effect, whatever.

I’ve been trying to make sense of my mind, my sense of self, my life, the world and how I relate to it, reading about different mental health issues, reading about psychotherapy-type things, watching TV or listening to music trying to relate, trying to express my thoughts and feelings through creative endeavours, etc.

I don’t it’s possible to make sense of anything, though. even if something suddenly does make sense, it gets lost in the wash of information, in the jumble of events.

I try to get a handle on who I am, why I am the way I am, but other people, politics, art/culture/etc, this all just leaves me out at sea again. even just the passage of time, going to sleep and waking up again - I can’t maintain a grip on anything.


Sounds pretty terrifying.


there are times when I can go a few days, maybe a few weeks, and I’ll feel okay. I really wonder if there might be more wrong with me, psychologically, than I’m able to pinpoint.

I missed my first therapy appointment because I couldn’t get any sleep and felt too anxious to leave the house, so it got rescheduled for May. I really wish I’d been able to go. I don’t even know if they’ll be able to help me, diagnose me properly, but I need to be able to talk to someone about this who can help me.

either that, or I just ask to go back on Venlafaxine again and try not to thing about anything ever again.


Got a (presumably) automated text from my doctor’s surgery today about them having emailed me details to sign up to their fucking patient sign in whatever the hell - a whole two and a half months after I went in on my last legs to try and register and never heard anything from them since. I know they’ve got too much to do but actually triggered me pretty hard the other way today, so that’s been fucking fun.


The details aren’t even fucking there, that was the punchline.


Hope is thread is helpful for people…wish I could do more. PM me if you want a chat.


WARNING this will probably be very long and whiny, [details=Summary]but what i feel now and have done for a while is this crushing apathy. I know what to do to make things right but I have zero energy to do it. Hardly enjoy much and even when I try to make a go of things I lose interest quickly and just go back to doing stuff like watching tv shows or reading (stuff I’ve read or seen before, I get nervous about starting new things which is so bloody weird). I read this article that really hit the nail on the head, kind of described the apathy as the precursor to full blown depression but it feels just as scary. I know bad things will happen if i dont do xyz but then i can’t muster up the energy to do anything about it and just do nothing and try not to think about it which is of course awful when it blows up in my face. I just feel like I will never achieve what I want so there’s no point trying and I’m not good at anything or worthy enough to have anything good happen to me. I used to be so good at hiding my anxiety etc, nobody knew I wasn’t normal. Now it’s obvious, I cry all the time and panic loads at work and I’ve had like 3 appraisals about how shit I am this year. I fucked up with debts i pay back so I’m broke all the time which isolates me even more socially. I’ve lost control and I can see everything crashing around me but I don’t care, and the part of me that does care is being overwhelmed by the part that doesn’t. I have no right to be like this either, people in my country are dying of a fucking drought and there’s me being like this. Hate myself for it. The worst thing too is I’ve started being reckless, crossing roads without looking and not bothering to be careful when getting on trains and it’s become a habit and sometimes I only realise I’ve done it when a car blares their horn at me or I almost slip into the tracks. I’ll probably get run over at this rate and the saddest part is that I genuinely don’t even care. Today’s been a pretty horrible day, one of the things i ignored blew up massively in my face but I fucked over so many people and I let it happen. Instead of feeling guilty af I’m just squashing it away and trying not to think about it which is so so bad. Basically I don’t feel happy anymore. I used to love finding new music or going out on adventures or buying cute clothes and doing my hair, but now I listen to the same 5 songs (avoiding music from happier times) and dress like an actual tramp and would wear pjs outside if I could. Have very long curly hair that I used to straighten for hours or carefully comb out and look after, all I do most days is wash and bun it which sounds like a dumb thing to talk about but it’s just the little things that used to make me happy don’t anymore. Bought a beautiful lens and tried it out a few times but I’m over it already, the old me would still be bouncing off the walls in excitement and having hour long photoshoots with the cats :cry: i miss my happy go lucky old self but I don’t know how to be like that anymore


Argh this is really long but I needed to get it off my chest :sob:


please take some time to forgive yourself for feeling depressed/apathetic. It’s not your fault and nobody who cares about you will blame you, maybe people are angry because they care/don’t understand the extent of what you are going through?

You have always seemed like a cool and easygoing person on here since time way back and I’m sure there are loads of us here who care and don’t want you to be sad and drained even if we are just internet folk.

Can you face breaking down the big stuff you have to do into smaller chunks? Maybe just focus on one thing and get through that? I know that sounds really fucking obvious and kinda patronising but I don’t know sometimes it helps to have someone else encourage you.

Most importantly though just take care of yourself in the short term and please don’t get hit by a car or anything.


lastly, sorrow and depression and harship are not objective and absolute, your problems are absolutely as important to you so don’t compare yourself to others though it’s great that you obviously feel compassion/empathy.


:slightly_frowning_face: a lot of this sounds very familiar. I’ve decided that a complete change in life (location, job etc) is what’s needed to shake me out of the same apathy. Good luck with it all. :heart:


Aw thank you, it means a lot! And breaking stuff into smaller chunks 100% is the right way to go, it’s weird because I know objectively what to do and have read so many self help stuff and my mum is super supportive but I can’t do it which sounds really stupid, or if I start I lose focus and don’t have that continuity I need. Which i just need to focus on and stop being a big idiot :disappointed:


Agreed, a big change soumds great. I need a huge change but I’m way too poor to leave home atm which sucks. Good luck too!