How's your depression?


#726

It's interesting what you say about feeling weird having just gone on Sertraline, I always feel weird when I accidently miss a dose and end up tying myself in knots figuring out whether it is psychosomatic or genuine... My dosage is quite high, so I suspect it's the latter, but my paranoia leads me to dwell on the former which opens all sorts of compartments in Pandora's Box.

Hope it all begins to pay dividends for you soon, and that you're not waiting too long for your CBT referral. I totally feel and echo your final sentence.


#727

just really behind with work and starting to get chased up for it. going to have to disclose that I've been ill and am struggling. this is really hard.


#728

that's ok, don't let it make you feel defeated or ashamed.


#729

thanks, it's really helpful knowing people on here have each other's backs xx


#730

yeah, people here are great.

Thanks everybody!


#731

Have an appointment Tuesday eve don't I.
Sigh.


#732

Bad but possibly dealing with it for the first time in my life now(probably had depression for about 40 years).Been suppressing it for years by gigging every weekend but it don't work and it's just makes me wiped out for the next week ahead and the problems are still in the background.Been having mass meltdowns in work and can't see myself going back for a while I think.


#733

Good luck, just turning up to an appointment is a good achievement!


#734

Been pretty low recently, sort of on and off. I am finding it a real struggle to focus at work and get my head down...and then get into a spiral of beating myself up about it if I haven't had a productive day. Trouble is recently it's been more than the odd day here and there that hasn't gone well, and so it's really getting me down. Get into a weird spiral with it and then feel super out of control (like I do now). I haven't really got any effective strategies to get myself out of it, either.


#735

I love all of you. we should have a sad people get-together.


#736

I've been on my phone way less than usual today (I have a terribly addictive personality). actually managed to give myself some space to wake up and feel something. I was worrying my Citalopram was going to make me feel nothing all the time, but I've felt quite happy at times.


#737

Are you sleeping alright? Tiredness can be such a bad spiral.

We're all here for you :slight_smile:


#738

how do you find citalopram, if you don't mind me asking? i've hit a bit of an impasse with medications but i have some leftover citaloprams lying around the house. i was on them before years back but i've been on so many medications that i actually can't remember how each of them were. i suspect they were one of the more agreeable ones though


#739

Thanks pal :thumbsup:. Haven't been sleeping great the last week but I think this has been going on for longer than I think.


#740

try for an early night?


#741

Going through a real period of loneliness while my wife's out of the country for at least a couple of months, which has made me realise how reliant I am on her for human contact sometimes.

I have little in common with people at work and few friends in London. And with the football season ending, I worry I won't even see them for a while either.

I'm trying to make effort to be proactive and to say yes to any invites, but boy is it hard. Even the friends I have here are those I know from back home and sometimes I feel like I'll never form a new connection with people again.


#742

well, I was feeling positive initially, but that was just the initial high. it took the edge of the anxiety off at 20mg, same with a bunch of other tendencies, but it was still there, just... muffled, y'know?

got past the initial difficulty sleeping, then doubled my dose as the tight chest etc was still quite pronounced, but now I feel exhausted a lot of the time. as soon as I feel the deeply muffled beginnings of what would have been acute anxiety/stress/etc, I find myself feeling exhausted. I have very little energy at the moment.

one of my friends told me she had the same need to sleep all the time when she took it. I don't think it's for me. you might have a different reaction, though.


#743

Been very down the last week or so and I cannot seem to shake myself out of it. Not sleeping properly, getting really irritable with my gf over stuff that I usually just let go, struggling with any kind of sense of self-worth. It's not fun.


#744

Have had a couple of massive dips in the last couple of nights whilst really trying to keep a burgeoning pre-occupation with my mortality at bay.

And in the last 10 minutes have felt a wave of anxiety and enormous self-doubt thump me in the stomach all around my job situation.

I've had to apply for a role that I've been doing for the past 13 months on a secondment, and today is the closing date for applications. I've got mine in and all that, and yesterday was feeling pretty sanguine about it all.

The secondment was into a band higher (just spelt that 'hire' ffs!) than my substansive role, and has taken on line management responsibilities and a hefty pay-rise as well. Quite apart from the obvious enjoyment from the extra money, I've really enjoyed the extra responsibility and expectation and have definitely delivered what has been expected of me.

However, the nagging doubt that some hot-shot analyst is going to appear and blow me out of the water has really taken on less of a nagging quality and one of mild strangulation.

I don't think any of this will affect me in the interview (assuming I'm lucky enough to get offered one), but the thought of not getting this role on a permanent basis is actually terrifying. I really don't know how I'd cope with the body-blow of not getting it - it feels as though it could re-open a lot of old mental wounds around confidence, self-worth and generally being a useless chump.

Think I need to go for a walk around the block to get my head back together.


#745

generally doing pretty well but had an episode this morning (really bad panic attack, collapsed and blacked out in a train station which was humiliating). feel completely fine now but kinda worried this is going to become more regular.